Categories
Gender and Sexuality Politics

10 Suggestions to government for achieving Viksit Bharat from “Delight Days” (CUDD) to an “Intimacy Bureau” to Ministry of Mandatory Hobbies (MoMH)

Have you ever wondered- “How much is too much?” Because those who drafted Uttarakhand’s Uniform Civil Code that has been passed by the state assembly did not. Legislations are either drafted from an intellectual viewpoint or from a place where there is lack of such intellect. However, some provisions of Uttarakhand look like they have been introduced on the basis of ‘vibes’- a word that has been used by young people to indicate that they have done something because they could.

Specifically, the Uttarakhand UCC deals with registration of Live-in relationships. Essentially, if you are a 20-year-old woman living with a 19-year-old man-while studying in Uttarakhand- you have to go to the local registrar to register your live in relationship.[1] If you say “I am not going to do that”- a complaint could be registered against you and you will be sent a notice to register your live-in relationship. If you do not register within 30 days of such notice, be ready to face jail time of 6 months or a fine up to Rs.25,000 or if you are too lucky,-both.[2] If you have been in a live-in relationship for a month and have not yet registered, that could land you in jail for 3 months, or with a fine up to Rs. 10,000 or both. If you are below 21 years of age, and if you go to the registrar to register/terminate your live-in, the registrar will inform the partner’s parents/guardians.[3] A very good way to communicate your personal life to your parents without you doing it.

Given that the government has decided to be a prying power, let us become aspirational now in terms of what we want government to do. In pursuance of such aspirations, we have listed 10 things that the government should do, to make our lives absolutely better.

  1. Compulsory “Delight” Days (CUDD):
  • The world is a sad and bad one. Sometimes, when we find a Rs. 100 in a shirt pocket or safely placed in a book, on a random Wednesday, we would feel delighted. “I did not know this money existed we would tell ourselves and be happy about it. However, that seems to be far fetch given how useless Rs.100 is in today’s inflation ridden market. Therefore, states should introduce a planned surprise! Something for all married people to do so that there are something in life to look forward to, on a random Wednesday.
  • An SMS-guided by algorithm developed in association with a leading Indian IT Company of course- should schedule a state-assigned activity: mandatory museum visits, a jaunt to try a new state- approved cuisine, or go to a nearest temple-designed to keep life just unpredictable enough (while staying safely within acceptable limits).
  • Missing the CUDDs 2 consecutive times should attract a heavy penalty and missing it a 3rd consecutive time should attract a punishment of simple imprisonment

2.  State-Sanctioned Swipe Sessions: 

  • Forget random dating apps’ algorithm deciding which profile to show you. All romantic profiles must be submitted for scrutiny. The states should establish a Compatibility Bureau that will curate your daily selection of state-approved potential partners based on subservience to the government, religion and other such factors.
  • A central repository of those who ghost after a few messages should be created and they shall be fined after 3 ghosting incidents (Ghosting means-not replying to a message for days or weeks, or months or years or sometimes forever. For example, if you ask the government about when they will conduct the decennial census, you will be ghosted). 

3. Intimacy Bureau

  • The government should establish the Intimacy Bureau which will deal with applications to engage in acts of intimacy such as sex, cuddling etc.
  • Want to get intimate with someone? File an application with the Bureau outlining what you have in mind. The Bureau, in their infinite wisdom, will notify your parents (because who knows better, right?) Parents get to weigh in, and the Bureau makes the final decision – approve or deny! No more heartbreak! No more confusion! Just state-sanctioned romance under watchful parental eyes.

4. Pre-Approved Jokes

Comedians going to jail for cracking and sometimes, not cracking a joke is no more surprising. To avoid these incidents and also to support the art form, the government should establish Central Joke Repositories where jokes in least 7 languages apart from English are readily available. Comedians can choose from the repository to perform at any registered venue across the country. If the comedians think the jokes are getting repetitive, they could say the same jokes in another language. If jokes in Tamil are boring in Chennai due to repetition, they could make the same joke in Marathi, while in Chennai. Some might call it a circus and we agree. It is far better for comedians to be in a Circus rather than to be in a Jail.  

5. Ministry of Mandatory Hobbies (MoMH): 

  • Many of us have always wanted to join the gym but never did because there is no one powerful enough to push us to make that decision. Therefore, the all-powerful government should make a mobile application ‘e-LIFE’-without any legislative backing or as such like it did with the Arogya Setu app-where people can register themselves against a hobby/activity and failure to engage in that activity will result in lowering of Citizen Points-which can be redeemed to get a government approved to get a paid holiday on optional holidays.
  • Citizen Points can be made a part of Digital Public Infrastructure to ensure discipline and consistency in behaviour of people so that public order can be maintained. 

6. Department for Promotion of Bland Attires 

  • Since the government is already at a stage where it can pass a law disallowing certain attires for students, it should — keeping in mind the national aims of social cohesion and constitutional goals of Equality—prescribe a common bland colour for all Indian nationals who go to study or work. Exceptions could be made for people from the film industry on the basis of how much nationalism their film espoused while being a mediocre piece of art.
  • The colour dyes and textiles for such massive exercise should be sourced from an Indian producer without a tender-given how much time it takes for a tender process.

7. Re-Educate, Reform and Rejuvenate (RRR)

Rebellion starts at home. Teenagers talk back to their parents, and they (Teens) realize that authority can falter when confronted with and carry in into their youth to become citizens who ask for accountability and transparency. To avoid these radical notions, Parents should be given an opportunity to put their Children from ages 14-17 through intensive training camps run by third party certified organizations to unlearn the knowledge of such attitudes that ask for accountability or fairness. 

8. Clean Language before Clean Ganga 

  • River Ganga can be cleaned up anytime if the government wants to— but a more pressing issue is the use of foul language/improper language in the most casual form by people across the Country.
  • Citizen Points should be used to reign in the usage of such language wherein an honest national would report the usage of foul language by taking a video and uploading it to the e-LIFE On the basis of such person’s face and such face’s mapping with Aadhaar or such identification mechanisms, the Citizens points should be decreased. This will improve the general civic sense in the Society.
  • This mission also can be a pilot project for using Citizen Points for schemes other than redeeming them for paid leaves.

9. Anti-Negative News Department

Optimism is for the Brave and Pessimism is for the Puny. While negative news like deaths of influential people, deaths of loved animals, national sports teams losing should be allowed, negativity in news space damages the morale of people leading them to think their country is not good. Therefore, a high-powered committee should be empowered with powers to issue show cause notices to all news and current affairs organizations for spreading negativity, and investigate their deeds. This committee should also be vested with powers to impose fines if negativity shown is not justified or necessary or has a disproportionately detrimental impact on morale of people.

10. Universal Alarm Scheme

In order to boost productivity and make sure maximum people are working at the same time, the government should mandate that all households install an alarm device- sold by the same person who manufactures dyes for the Bland Clothes Scheme under a subsidy by the government-and they all should ring at 5:00am. This will not only ensure that everything gets an early start but will also boost the health of society in general. People should be given an opportunity to opt out of this scheme, at the cost of losing a significant number of Citizen Points.

For a developed nation, the government will have to take into account the aspirations of people. Let us hope that the government takes note of these if it does not have these in pipeline already.

Hail Viksit Bharat!

(The author is a legal researcher with the organisation)

[1] Section 378, UCC of Uttarakhand, 2024.

[2] Section 387(3), UCC of Uttarakhand, 2024

[3] Section 385, UCC of Uttarakhand

Exit mobile version