This Sunday ended on an unexpected note. In the previous week, the members of The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society Blocks A and B received a notice. It advised of a Special General Body Meeting to take urgent decisions on a matter that was described in the notice as “Matters affecting the very survival and sustainability of our esteemed Society”.
Most members, as I did, assumed that the agenda would be the perilous condition of the Society’s buildings and the need for urgent repairs or the water crisis facing the island city as a whole.
The meeting started with the boiler plate greetings from our affable General Secretary, Mr. Happymon Esthapan Chacko. He then dropped the bombshell, “The Society received an unusual request from Mr. Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala to convene a SGM. This was backed by the required number of members as per prevailing byelaws. This group believes that the impending Lok Sabha elections and their results will have a lasting impact on the future of the Society and that its members must take a calculated and decisive stand on it. I now invite Mr. Cyrus to state their case”.
The readers may recall the very enigmatic Mr. Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala. An educated, erudite and eloquent man of advancing years, Mr. Cyrus was very active in all forms of political activity. From advocating how parking slots should be awarded to how new members must be screened or which festivals should be celebrated, he had a view on all of our Society’s affairs. He even kept a close watch on who was having secret trysts with whom. He rose to rapid fame when he wrote to the Beloved Leader, requesting him for the use of Pegasus, to spy on the Society Secretary. This was meant to aid him in the Society’s elections, which he lost. Nevertheless his quick grasp of the potential of this unique technology drew admiration from many members. He had recently written a dramatic and widely publicised letter to an Opposition Member of Parliament, offering feedback on their election manifesto.
“We all know how our country has advanced in the last decade. It is now the world’s 5th largest economy and poised to be the 3rd largest soon. Demonetization was an effective knock on the black economy. The Beloved Leader battled Covid-19 and saved many millions from dying. New army recruits are benefiting from the Agniveer Scheme. Our Hindu friends have a new Ram Temple to seek eternal blessings from. Kashmir, Ladakh and Manipur are safe, secure and flourishing. His interventions in the Ukraine and Israel conflicts are now folklore. The Stock markets are flying and all of us are leading cushy lives as a result. The 81 crore poor people are being supported with free ration. The whole world is looking up to us. Our Beloved Leader has promised to make this great nation a Developed Country by 2047. We should stand by him and demonstrate to the country, what a Model Cooperative Housing Society is. We must give our unequivocal support to the Beloved Leader by passing a resolution of support for all the new promises being made by our Beloved Leader”, thundered Cyrus.
A cry of cheer rose and nearly drowned a lone voice that spoke up. But Mr Chacko had heard it. It was from Mr Fasel Atke Khan. A strapping young man – he had film star looks, was often a voice of reason, and was revered by the ladies.
“There is a water crisis in the city. Water rationing is going on. Do we have a plan to battle it? Our civil structure is showing great strain. There were even a couple of accidents that very nearly injured some residents. Will it withstand another monsoon? Can we deal with these issues? I suggest that the General Body not waste a single moment on discussion of Lok Sabha elections but focus on these issues and take urgent and necessary decisions.”
A louder cry of condemnation filled the room. Within moments, Cyrus was back on the dais and continued, “Thank you. The General Body clearly understands its priorities. I now present to you this remarkable document.” With a flourish, he produced an important looking, grandly textured, orange shaded document. “This is called Guarantee 2024. The Beloved Leader has given his vision of making us an advanced country and has made a few guarantees. I request the General Body’s support in favor of the forthcoming resolutions”.
He continued, “There are nearly 50 pictures of the Beloved Leader in this document. I vote that we choose one from my selection of 3, as the one that will decorate all vantage points in our Society for the next few months. These will be put up in our gardens, our common areas, our parking lots and in our homes. We will also have these on our digital devices. The first option is that of our Beloved Leader in military fatigues walking away from a fighter jet that he has just flown. The second is of our Beloved Leader meditating in the Himalayas, no doubt praying for our country’s wellbeing. The third is of our Beloved Leader heading the Temple inauguration. Let us have a vote on them please.”
A voice of protest arose. It was indeed a tough choice. The crowd wanted all three. And so it was resolved that “The Society will embrace all the 3 suggested pictures, with The Commander gracing our Common Areas, The Sanyasi gracing our Gardens and The Pujari blessing our Homes and Digital Devices”.
“Our Beloved Leader has made a guarantee of making India a developed country by 2047. It will be completely Atmanirbhar. It will have multiple Bullet trains and luxury Vande Bharats crisscrossing the length and breadth of the country. There is emphasis on dignity of life, quality of life, quantity of opportunity, and quality of opportunity. Now I know the neigh sayers among you will ask – what about the 2 crore jobs a year that were promised. What about the doubling of farmer incomes? What about Rs 15 lakhs in each bank account? What about the 100 Smart Cities? To them, I say haven’t the Stock Markets tripled in the last decade? And don’t they continue to rise? Aren’t the markets the ultimate arbiter of what the country needs? Haven’t they benefited us all and made our next two generations comfortable? Isn’t it self-destructive to rock the boat? I vote that we embrace this vision whole heartedly and incorporate its principles in our Redevelopment plans for the Society and become the first Cooperative Housing Society in India to redevelop itself based on the principles outlined by our Beloved Leader for Viksit Bharat”
As a roar of approval began to break out, the Lone Voice spoke, “Mr. Cyrus, a vision must be backed by a realistic plan, with clear measurable goals and a concrete plan to execute. If 10 year goals have not been achieved, are we not getting carried away with 25 year goals with no specifics?”
An angry chorus could be heard, “Stop trolling our Beloved Leader! We don’t need to know everything. Let’s enjoy the ride and not worry about how and when we reach our destination.”
And so it was resolved that “the Society unequivocally endorses the Viksit Bharat 2047 vision and that it will conduct the affairs of the Society, including its Redevelopment, embracing the principles embodied within it”
“Moving on,” Cyrus resumed, “Our Beloved Leader has promised to implement the Uniform Civil Code bringing a spirit of Oneness to our great nation. We would like to take these principles and implement a Uniform Society Code, wherein all our members will register their relationships, their affairs, their food habits, their bedroom protocols, their wardrobe contents, their Google search history, their law & order record with the Society. A Special Task Force will then screen the data and advise a Uniform Society Code that will ensure uniformity in our dress code, our wine and dine code, our bedroom code, etc. etc. We aim to, once again, become the first Cooperative Housing Society in the country to implement the fundamental principles of a Uniform Code in an actionable manner.”
The applause reached a crescendo drowning the Lone Voice. And so it was resolved that “the Society unambiguously endorses the Uniform Civil Code and will implement the Uniform Society Code, embracing the principles embodied within it”
A beaming Cyrus concluded, “Thank you members for your unwavering and passionate support. I will dash off a letter to our Beloved Leader, advising him of our commitment behind the cause of Viksit Bharat 2047. I am hoping, that as a result, his business friends take a personal interest in redeveloping our society. Congratulations to us all. Viksit Bharat, Viksit Society!”
Mr Chacko took the dais for his concluding remarks. “Members, there is an exceptional item that has come up for a decision – Ten members of the Society have confirmed that they have lost their jobs and are unable to make their monthly maintenance payments. They have requested us for a 12 month waiver, on compassionate grounds. Do we agree?”
A pregnant silence followed. No one was willing to bear this extra burden of monthly expenses on account of their laid off neighbors. The meeting ended in chaos.
Related:
What are you doing Bro? Cyrus writes a 20 Point, Open Letter to Rahul Gandhi