To His Excellency, President Xi Jinping,

Leader of the Great People’s Republic of China,

Beijing

March 20, 2025

Dear President Xi,

Greetings from the cluttered workshop of Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala, a humble craftsman in a land where furniture holds stronger than promises. I write to you with a heart heavy with envy and a tongue dipped in satire, gazing across the Himalayas at your glittering megacities, your relentless factories, your citizens marching in lockstep towards a future we in India can only glimpse in Bollywood sci-fi flops. China, it seems, has sprinted so far ahead that we’re left wheezing in the dust of your progress, trapped in the low-middle-income dump—or “trap,” as the polite economists call it.

And so, I come to you as a desperate petitioner, begging you to level the playing field. Not by lifting us up, mind you, but by dragging China down to our exquisite level of self-inflicted chaos. 

We in India have become maestros of mismanagement, with a towering figure whose name echoes through the winds (and WhatsApp forwards). He has gifted us a playbook of dysfunction so masterful it deserves a Nobel Prize in reverse engineering. I implore you, Your Excellency, to borrow a few pages from it. Let China stumble for a decade or two – make it three—why rush greatness? Unleash upon your orderly nation the divine art of bedlam, and let’s compete as equals in the swamp of stagnation.

Here’s how you might begin.

First, take a leaf from our economic gospel: prop up a single tycoon until he’s a colossus, towering over fair competition. Shower him with ports, airports, coal mines, and contracts, while smaller players choke on red tape and despair. Watch your GDP soar on paper while the invisible hand of the market gets a cramp from saluting one man. We’ve perfected this art, ensuring that wealth trickles up to the penthouse while the rest of us scramble for the crumbs. It’s a brilliant distraction—people are too busy marvelling at private jets to notice the potholes.

Next, throttle your opposition with the finesse of a chess grandmaster. Unleash your agencies—tax authorities, investigators, the works—to hound dissenters into submission. Label them traitors, freeze their accounts, and raid their homes at midnight. Turn this into a national sport, ensuring that only one voice rings out, loud and unchallenged, while the rest are gagged or exhausted. It’s democracy, but with a twist—like a Bollywood plot where the hero always wins, and the villains conveniently vanish.

Then, force a linguistic straitjacket on your diverse nation. Pick Mandarin, perhaps, and ram it down every throat, from Tibet to Guangdong. Tell the rest their tongues are quaint relics, unfit for modernity. We’re doing wonders with Hindi, alienating our southern states—those pesky, prosperous rebels who dare to thrive without bowing to the northern script. Add a dash of delimitation to the mix—redraw your political map to dilute their influence. Threaten to shrink their parliamentary seats, and watch them squirm as power tilts toward your loyal heartland. It will be called a masterstroke, ensuring unity through resentment.

While you’re at it, dismantle your autonomous institutions with surgical glee. Universities, courts, election bodies—turn them into obedient puppets dancing to your tune. Steadily strangle them, replacing inconvenient independents with nodding loyalists. It’s liberating, really—why bother with checks and balances when you can have a choir singing your praises? And if you’re feeling generous, cede some territory to a neighbour—perhaps a chunk of Xinjiang to Russia. Call it diplomacy, shrug off the critics, and let the maps rewrite themselves.

Now, for the cultural flourish: embrace mumbo jumbo with open arms. Promote cow dung and cow urine as cure-alls—or pig dung and pig urine, to suit your tastes. Declare them scientific marvels, peddle them on state TV, and jail anyone who dares to snicker. Just like bovine worship here turned into a growth industry, side-line pesky things like hospitals and labs. Sprinkle in some religious fervour—proclaim yourself a divine avatar, maybe Mao reincarnated with a heavenly mandate. Let your people riot over your celestial guest list, as one is seeing here with Aurangzeb’s ghost. It’s a splendid way to keep them busy while inflation leaps like a kangaroo on steroids and unemployment cripples the young (they’re too idle anyway).

Speaking of distraction, target interfaith love with righteous zeal. Call it “love jihad” or some catchy equivalent—say, “Coupling Sabotage”—and paint it as a conspiracy to undermine your nation. Turn romance into a battlefield, jailing couples who dare cross religious lines, while mobs cheer. It’s a unifying cause—nothing bonds a people like policing bedrooms. And don’t stop there: dehumanize a few groups for good measure. Pick your Muslims and Dalits—perhaps your Uyghurs and rural poor—and strip them of dignity. Call them threats, invaders, lesser beings; let laws and lynching do the rest. Hone this craft, ensuring that unity comes at the cost of a few million souls.

Let communal disharmony bloom like a toxic flower. Stoke ancient grudges—dig up some Ming Dynasty feud and make it today’s headlines. Learn how you can profit from resurrecting Mughal ghosts like Aurangzeb to spark riots while the present burns. Set a few provinces ablaze—your own Manipur Moment—and watch drug addiction rise like incense at a prayer meeting. Cronyism, too, should flourish; let your loyalists loot the coffers while the rest queue for handouts. Orchestrate your tycoons and riots in perfect harmony—progress can wait.

The beauty of this plan, Your Excellency, is its sheer audacity. Your bullet trains could rust into bullock carts, your AI hubs morph into astrology dens, your global dominance fade into endless debates about who built what 500 years ago. Distract your citizens with grand tales of your divine origins—a comet foretold your birth, perhaps?—and let the graveyards of history become your national pastime. Turn nostalgia into a narcotic, force-feeding your people the past while the future slips through their fingers like sand.

I confess, there’s a sting in this plea, a bitter edge to my satire. We are folks who were once sold a dazzling dream—trillion-dollar visions, a seat at the world’s table. But now? We’re cheated of that promise, marched backward to exhume skeletons while your great nation builds tomorrow. Our youth scroll X for memes, our leaders peddle cow dung cures, and our southern states simmer under Hindi’s yoke. Muslims and Dalits are scapegoats, love is a crime, and a tycoon’s empire grows while competition withers. Agencies silence dissent, institutions crumble, and territory slips away—all under the banner of greatness.

So, I beg you, President Xi: join us in this grand farce. Mismanage your nation with flair—let religious fervour, cronyism, and chaos reign. Let’s race to the bottom together, two ancient civilizations wading through the same muck, our people too busy fighting over dung to notice the stars. Only then can we compete on even terms, equals in entropy, comrades in collapse. May the best mismanager win—and may the furniture I craft outlast both our futures.

Yours in sardonic solidarity,

Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala

Mumbai, India

(Where the wood is solid, but the dreams splinter) 

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The post A Satirical Plea, Dripping with Envy, to President Xi Jinping of China appeared first on SabrangIndia.

To,

His Excellency,

The Honorable Beloved Leader

I bow in front of thee a million times in awe and admiration. I know how busy you are on your campaign trail across the length and breadth of this country. What a wonderful idea it was to spread this election over 7 phases and 2 months. It has given every nook and corner of the country the divine opportunity to witness the toil you put in for the nation.

Your Excellency, you will be glad to know the efforts this loyal fan of yours has put in to support your continued reign. When the Indian National Congress came out with their manifesto, I was the first to shoot out a tersely worded missive to Rahul Gandhi, soundly admonishing him on the absurd promises:

• Guarantee of 30 lakh government jobs, as opposed to your time tested strategy of temporary contracting or idling
• Guarantee of Rs 1 lakh a year apprenticeship for educated youth, walking away from your simple and effective strategy of working hard on merit or practicing simple “pakoda” entrepreneurship
• Guarantee of Rs 1 lakh a year to one woman from every poor family, possibly allowing their families more education, but depriving us of cheap, illiterate labour
• Guarantee of MSP to farmers, depriving your Big Business friends from their rightful profits in hoarding food stocks

These are but a few of my criticisms. Since then, I have noted your own sharp rebuttals – calling it cleverly, the manifesto of the Muslim League. Or stealing mangalsutras of Hindu women to – devilishly – enrich Muslim women. I have also noted that a few of your carefully chosen confidantes have hinted on possible changes to the Constitution. This is welcome. The Constitution must be a living document and must reflect the aspirations of the most educated, the most privileged and the ones with the most means. Only then, can our great nation reclaim its lost glory.

That brings me to the manifesto released by Your Excellency. You will be overjoyed to know that our society, The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society, Blocks A and B, has endorsed you vision of Viksit Bharat 2047 and passed resolutions to that effect. It has also resolved to adopt the UCC within its society members, making us the first housing society to embrace your vision.

The warm welcome to your Viksit Bharat Vision proves to us all that you are the only rightful heir to take our nation ahead. Yet there remain some neigh sayers. Like Commie Chacko, our society’s General Secretary who has made some incendiary remarks about your conduct. I make some recommendations below on how to crush these urban naxals with finality.

• On the charges of corruption in your party – I suggest that Ratan Tata, as the trustee, declare the names of all the donors to the PM Cares Fund and the detailed use of funds and personally clarify all the questions that may arise. All corruption allegations will vanish
• On the charge that you have misused investigative agencies – it is easy to demonstrate their neutrality by sacrificing some your party colleagues – the ones you do not want anymore – by handing them over to the agencies
• On the charge that your concerns for women safety and their respect, are fake, as there are many people with rape and sexual assault charges in your party – I suggest that you surround yourselves by women for a few weeks – any women – and show them smiling, laughing and having a good time. This should dispel the myth that you are not pro-women
• On the charge that you have conceded territory to China and are afraid to do anything about it – you have rightfully rejected this. You should highlight that trade with China has gone up. Is trade better or useless border territory?
• On the charge that you have encouraged hatred towards Muslims and have used this as an election ploy – You have aptly retorted that if you ever did this, you wouldn’t be fit for public life
• On the charge that Ambani and Adani are funding the enemy – One can immediately give out a dozen new airport leases to the latter and free unlimited 5G spectrum to the former – this will dispel the gloom and also bring much needed relief to the markets
• On the charge that you are afraid of a press conference – I suggest that you engage the services of your very able mimic, Shyam Rangeela to handle this and have Karan Thapar in the panel of interviewers. Mr. Rangeela, should be appropriately coutured by your very own fashion consultant. He has been mimicking you successfully for a few years and will hit the ground running
• On the charge that you are not a family man and hence devoid of empathy – While all your party colleagues and fans like I have warmly called themselves your family members, this has evidently not proved sufficient. I suggest that you command your friends, Bibi, Joe, Vladimir, Rishi, Barack, Emmanuel, Bill and Xi to casually mention in their speeches that they are now part of your family
• On the charge that you are a fake Vishwaguru – I would suggest that you move on and declare yourself as PrithviGuru. Your vision of Viksit Bharat 2047, after all, will save the whole planet. Will it not?
• On the charge that you lie a lot – It is hard to convince people that there is no absolute truth but only versions of it. I empathize with your predicament. As kids, we would say “God promise” and that would be it. You, on the other hand, could say, “Ram Satya” and that would be gospel
• On the charge that your pet schemes like Demonetization, GST implementation, Swach Bharat, 100 Smart Cities, Doubling Farmer’s incomes, generating 2 crore jobs a year, reducing fuel prices, Bringing Black Money back and depositing Rs 15 lakhs in every account, reducing inequality and poverty – have been disasters – I am personally glad that you do not talk about them anymore. Ordinary people do not understand data. However, they do appreciate a dreamy vision. Your defense should be along the lines, “I do not sit on my past laurels. I must keep moving forward and showing you bigger dreams of what is possible”
• On the charge that ECI is not acting independently in this election – I would suggest that you ask your friend Vladimir or Xi to send some independent observers and certify the election as “fair and neutral”
• On the charge that you are afraid to visit Manipur – clearly a man as busy as you cannot be everywhere, even if he wants to. But you can bring Manipur over – you could inaugurate a Manipur Rock Festival in Delhi – featuring North East musicians, even if they are not from Manipur – nobody would know the difference – this should shut them up
• On the charge that you want to change the Constitution – I suggest that you need not deny this. Say that you have to. As you are responding to the love and the trust of the people of India who want you to be the “Leader for Life”. Your friend, Xi did it. So should you.

I hope my humble suggestions will be some use to you. I along with hundreds of millions look forward to you becoming our Leader for Life. Onward to Viksit Bharat 2047!

Yours unflinchingly, unequivocally, unabashedly for ever and ever,

Citizen Cyrus

I was now hopeful. A Leader for Life did ensure safe and booming markets for life. A Fan, inspired by his Beloved Leader, had saved a Friend!

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He had indeed brought my milk and papers. He was also waving a sheaf of ominous looking yellow sheets that could mean only one thing – my neighbor, Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala, had drafted something. The short note was curt, “Please give your comments on this draft to Puncturewala. Matter urgent. Of vital national importance.”

I sat down with a sigh. I noticed that Samir had not left. He was expected to take the draft back. With my comments. I am not at my best in the mornings. Even Cyrus knows it. But does he care? Wait a minute. I do hope you remember Cyrus – my educated, eloquent and erudite neighbor of advancing years, active in our Housing Society affairs as well as a keen follower of national events. He had once pleaded with the Beloved Leader for the use of Pegasus to spy on our General Secretary, Mr. H.E. Chacko or Commie Chacko as he was privately called. In keeping with the spirit of the ongoing national elections, he had persuaded a reluctant Commie Chacko to call a Special General Body Meeting of our society. The General Body passed 3 resolutions – endorsing – the 3 pictures of the Beloved Leader to be put up in the Common Areas of the housing Society, the Vision of the Beloved Leader for Viksit Bharat 2047, and the Uniform Society Code on lines of the Uniform Civil Code. He had even given Rahul Gandhi a piece of his mind on his “outrageous” manifesto.

I glanced at Cyrus’ draft. It was addressed to a Dhruv Rathee. “Samir, who is this Dhruv? Some new chap in our Housing Society, usurping Cyrus’ parking space? Or some neighborhood politician?”

Samir appeared hesitant. On prodding, he said, “Sir, he is a Youtuber who has millions of followers. He likes to call himself a teacher and shares his knowledge on Indian and world history, current affairs, sightseeing and tech. He is a young, savvy dude and speaks with simplicity and facts. His recent videos have created a nationwide stir. He called Electoral Bonds, the biggest scam in the history of India. He has called our Beloved Leader a scared and desperate Dictator and his fans a club of brainwashed WhatsApp mafia.”

“Whoa! Seems like Cyrus has found his match! Please read on.”

And so the draft was read out:

Dear Dhruv Rathee

Who are you? Are you a NRI or a Foreigner? Anyway, why are you interfering in India’s internal affairs?

You have maligned my Beloved Leader. You have maligned WhatsApp. This is not done. Not done at all!

I am shaking with anger. You have insulted my intelligence. You are saying I have been brainwashed! I have studied at IIT and IIM. I have made a lot of wealth and am enjoying my senior years with equally privileged and learned people at The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society Blocks A and B. We have seen our wealth grow three times in the last decade. Are you mocking this?

Even with my abundant material comforts, am I sitting idle? No Sir, no. I take a keen interest in the affairs of our Housing Society. I am a keen observer of national current affairs too.

I would first like to give you a point wise response on Brainwashing and WhatsApp mafia that you refer to in your latest video.

You make the allegation that people like me have become fan boys of the Beloved Leader and our admiration is just blind faith. No. A big No. We are critical too. Here are some examples where I have found the Beloved Leader wanting:

• Pegasus was used to do surveillance on enemies of state. Why wasn’t it opened up for ‘Pay for Use” by private citizens who are patriots? That was a lost business opportunity.
• Demonetisation was done only on the big notes. Had it been done on smaller notes as well, we would have found the small cash hoarders as well. Results may well have been different. Digital economy would have leapfrogged.
• The temple inauguration was restricted to Indian guests only. Foreign heads of states should have been invited to showcase the glory of our ancient civilization. India’s standing in the comity of nations would have reached staggering heights.

Your video shows people gleefully accepting higher petrol prices as a mark of trust in their Beloved Leader. What is wrong in this? If Indira Gandhi and other leaders could donate their jewelry towards the funds needed for a War with China, surely we can all do our bit with higher priced fuel to fund corona vaccines, Ayushman Bharat and free grains for the poor. This is philanthropy at scale, perhaps beyond your comprehension.

You have called Indian WhatsApp users an organized mafia or a den for broadcasting lies and misinformation. Bro, what have you been smoking? Had it not been for this “university”, Nehru, Gandhi, Godse and Savarkar would have long been forgotten. It has also been possible to reincarnate leaders long erased from memory, like Golwalkar, Shyama Prasad Mukherjee and that other guy. Why do you grudge new generations of Indians digging into their past and rediscovering themselves? Why do you grudge this spirit of enquiry into different versions of history? Or this odyssey of exploring our glorious scientific achievements from our medieval past, like plastic surgery, space travel, artificial insemination and internet?

In another video, you have alleged that India is fast turning into a Dictatorship. Bro, you are smoking something very potent! This is the second national election under this government. It has conducted countless state and local body elections. These are elections. Elections! Votes have been cast. Votes have been counted. People’s choices have been elected. Does that sound like a dictatorship? You have made references to arrest of Chief Ministers. If you have any evidence of their innocence, then please share that with the investigating authorities. Until then, we must let them do their jobs. You have said media has sold out. They are doing their job. Millions are watching their programs. Are they stupid?

Perhaps you are confusing a strong leadership with dictatorship. Our Beloved Leader is a Strong Leader. He is thoughtful and decisive – example Demonetization, Lockdown, banning China apps.  He is agile – example Manipur conflict. He is disciplined – example various internet shutdowns, action against urban naxals. He is generous too – example steep reduction in corporate taxes, feeding 81 crore poor Indians with free grains. With time, he will become even more decisive, agile, disciplined and compassionate than Xi and Putin. He will do our nation proud.

In another message, you have covered what you think are the good points of the Congress manifesto, namely, filling up 30 lakh government job vacancies, MSP guarantee and full debt relief for farmers, apprenticeship guarantee for jobless youth with pay, one woman of each poor family to get a guaranteed Rs one lakh annually as recognition of their free labor at home. In the spirit of democracy, I did send my 20 critical observations on this manifesto to Rahul Gandhi. Have you read them? As an example, I have expressed my utter dismay at his graceless abandonment of fast-track Bulldozer justice, the strict “no bail” criminal laws, demolition of mosques & churches, CAA laws and the Agniveer scheme. I have expressed disappointment at the gross neglect of Big Business, the backbone of our country. Read them with an open mind and convey them to Bro Rahul.

In the same message, you have been rather contemptuous of the ruling party and that they have nothing to offer. So, you are showing contempt for the Beloved Leader? This is not done. Only the other day, the residents of The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society Blocks A and B had a Special General Body Meeting. After careful thought and much debate, we decided to endorse the Beloved Leader’s Vision for Viksit Bharat 2047. Doesn’t this fill you with joy? Bullet trains, dazzling airports, sparkling malls and a maze of multi-lane highways! All run hopefully by efficient and patriotic people like Adani, Ambani, etc. The Society further endorsed the promise of the Uniform Civil Code and that in line with its principles, the Society will adopt a  Uniform Society Code, where all members will agree to a homogenous set of rules on all areas of life – food, clothing, language, intimacy, relationships, etc. This is a fine example of Unity in Homogeneity. Our Society will be the first in the country to adopt and practice UCC at the micro level. This is called Walking the Talk.

Do we sound like a set of brainwashed people?

Finally, I hope you have understood the concerns on redistribution of wealth as expressed by the Beloved Leader. As aptly conveyed by tycoon Ronnie Malhotra, redistribution and sharing is best done only for “feel good substances” at student hostel parties.

I trust you have got enough food for thought. A letter of apology to the Beloved leader would be in order.

Cordially

Citizen Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala

I looked thoughtfully at Samir. “This is frankly way beyond me. What do you think, Samir?”

“Sir, I think you were correct – Dhruv Rathee may have found his match!”

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The post Cyrus calling Dhruv Rathee appeared first on SabrangIndia.

Most members, as I did, assumed that the agenda would be the perilous condition of the Society’s buildings and the need for urgent repairs or the water crisis facing the island city as a whole.

The meeting started with the boiler plate greetings from our affable General Secretary, Mr. Happymon Esthapan Chacko. He then dropped the bombshell, “The Society received an unusual request from Mr. Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala to convene a SGM. This was backed by the required number of members as per prevailing byelaws. This group believes that the impending Lok Sabha elections and their results will have a lasting impact on the future of the Society and that its members must take a calculated and decisive stand on it. I now invite Mr. Cyrus to state their case”.

The readers may recall the very enigmatic Mr. Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala. An educated, erudite and eloquent man of advancing years, Mr. Cyrus was very active in all forms of political activity. From advocating how parking slots should be awarded to how new members must be screened or which festivals should be celebrated, he had a view on all of our Society’s affairs. He even kept a close watch on who was having secret trysts with whom.  He rose to rapid fame when he wrote to the Beloved Leader, requesting him for the use of Pegasus, to spy on the Society Secretary. This was meant to aid him in the Society’s elections, which he lost. Nevertheless his quick grasp of the potential of this unique technology drew admiration from many members. He had recently written a dramatic and widely publicised letter to an Opposition Member of Parliament, offering feedback on their election manifesto.

“We all know how our country has advanced in the last decade. It is now the world’s 5^th largest economy and poised to be the 3^rd largest soon. Demonetization was an effective knock on the black economy. The Beloved Leader battled Covid-19 and saved many millions from dying. New army recruits are benefiting from the Agniveer Scheme. Our Hindu friends have a new Ram Temple to seek eternal blessings from. Kashmir, Ladakh and Manipur are safe, secure and flourishing. His interventions in the Ukraine and Israel conflicts are now folklore. The Stock markets are flying and all of us are leading cushy lives as a result. The 81 crore poor people are being supported with free ration. The whole world is looking up to us. Our Beloved Leader has promised to make this great nation a Developed Country by 2047. We should stand by him and demonstrate to the country, what a Model Cooperative Housing Society is. We must give our unequivocal support to the Beloved Leader by passing a resolution of support for all the new promises being made by our Beloved Leader”, thundered Cyrus.

A cry of cheer rose and nearly drowned a lone voice that spoke up. But Mr Chacko had heard it. It was from Mr Fasel Atke Khan. A strapping young man – he had film star looks, was often a voice of reason, and was revered by the ladies.

“There is a water crisis in the city. Water rationing is going on. Do we have a plan to battle it? Our civil structure is showing great strain. There were even a couple of accidents that very nearly injured some residents. Will it withstand another monsoon? Can we deal with these issues? I suggest that the General Body not waste a single moment on discussion of Lok Sabha elections but focus on these issues and take urgent and necessary decisions.”

A louder cry of condemnation filled the room. Within moments, Cyrus was back on the dais and continued, “Thank you. The General Body clearly understands its priorities. I now present to you this remarkable document.” With a flourish, he produced an important looking, grandly textured, orange shaded document. “This is called Guarantee 2024. The Beloved Leader has given his vision of making us an advanced country and has made a few guarantees. I request the General Body’s support in favor of the forthcoming resolutions”.

He continued, “There are nearly 50 pictures of the Beloved Leader in this document. I vote that we choose one from my selection of 3, as the one that will decorate all vantage points in our Society for the next few months. These will be put up in our gardens, our common areas, our parking lots and in our homes. We will also have these on our digital devices. The first option is that of our Beloved Leader in military fatigues walking away from a fighter jet that he has just flown. The second is of our Beloved Leader meditating in the Himalayas, no doubt praying for our country’s wellbeing. The third is of our Beloved Leader heading the Temple inauguration. Let us have a vote on them please.”

A voice of protest arose. It was indeed a tough choice. The crowd wanted all three. And so it was resolved that “The Society will embrace all the 3 suggested pictures, with The Commander gracing our Common Areas, The Sanyasi gracing our Gardens and The Pujari blessing our Homes and Digital Devices”.

“Our Beloved Leader has made a guarantee of making India a developed country by 2047. It will be completely Atmanirbhar. It will have multiple Bullet trains and luxury Vande Bharats crisscrossing the length and breadth of the country. There is emphasis on dignity of life, quality of life, quantity of opportunity, and quality of opportunity. Now I know the neigh sayers among you will ask – what about the 2 crore jobs a year that were promised. What about the doubling of farmer incomes? What about Rs 15 lakhs in each bank account? What about the 100 Smart Cities? To them, I say haven’t the Stock Markets tripled in the last decade? And don’t they continue to rise? Aren’t the markets the ultimate arbiter of what the country needs? Haven’t they benefited us all and made our next two generations comfortable? Isn’t it self-destructive to rock the boat? I vote that we embrace this vision whole heartedly and incorporate its principles in our Redevelopment plans for the Society and become the first Cooperative Housing Society in India to redevelop itself based on the principles outlined by our Beloved Leader for Viksit Bharat”

As a roar of approval began to break out, the Lone Voice spoke, “Mr. Cyrus, a vision must be backed by a realistic plan, with clear measurable goals and a concrete plan to execute. If 10 year goals have not been achieved, are we not getting carried away with 25 year goals with no specifics?”

An angry chorus could be heard, “Stop trolling our Beloved Leader! We don’t need to know everything. Let’s enjoy the ride and not worry about how and when we reach our destination.”

And so it was resolved that “the Society unequivocally endorses the Viksit Bharat 2047 vision and that it will conduct the affairs of the Society, including its Redevelopment, embracing the principles embodied within it”

“Moving on,” Cyrus resumed, “Our Beloved Leader has promised to implement the Uniform Civil Code bringing a spirit of Oneness to our great nation. We would like to take these principles and implement a Uniform Society Code, wherein all our members will register their relationships, their affairs, their food habits, their bedroom protocols, their wardrobe contents, their Google search history, their law & order record with the Society. A Special Task Force will then screen the data and advise a Uniform Society Code that will ensure uniformity in our dress code, our wine and dine code, our bedroom code, etc. etc. We aim to, once again, become the first Cooperative Housing Society in the country to implement the fundamental principles of a Uniform Code in an actionable manner.”

The applause reached a crescendo drowning the Lone Voice. And so it was resolved that “the Society unambiguously endorses the Uniform Civil Code and will implement the Uniform Society Code, embracing the principles embodied within it”

A beaming Cyrus concluded, “Thank you members for your unwavering and passionate support. I will dash off a letter to our Beloved Leader, advising him of our commitment behind the cause of Viksit Bharat 2047. I am hoping, that as a result, his business friends take a personal interest in redeveloping our society. Congratulations to us all. Viksit Bharat, Viksit Society!”

Mr Chacko took the dais for his concluding remarks. “Members, there is an exceptional item that has come up for a decision – Ten members of the Society have confirmed that they have lost their jobs and are unable to make their monthly maintenance payments. They have requested us for a 12 month waiver, on compassionate grounds. Do we agree?”

A pregnant silence followed. No one was willing to bear this extra burden of monthly expenses on account of their laid off neighbors. The meeting ended in chaos.

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The post A Cooperative Housing Society “embraces” the Vision of Viksit Bharat 2047 appeared first on SabrangIndia.

I woke up with a start. Somebody was at the door. It was 7 in the morning. I wasn’t an early riser. It was my neighbor, Cyrus Byramji Puranafurniturewala.

“Hello, hello, hello, good morning, who are you going to vote for?” queried Cyrus as he came barging in. I am not at my best in the mornings. A strong cuppa also does not help. After many years of trying, I have resigned myself to the realisation that if there is anything that requires my attention, then it is best done later in the day. Much, much later. “Cyrus, I haven’t even brushed my teeth and you know what early morning chats do to me!” The plea fell on deaf ears.

Cyrus had made himself comfortable and was devouring my newspapers. He was eloquent and erudite and had a quirky fascination for current affairs, history, politics and conspiracy theories. He was known to write earnest letters to the Prime Minister. He had even sought the PM’s help to access Pegasus software to spy on the General Secretary of The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society, Blocks A and B, where we all live.

“You know – these Electoral Bonds – why is there such a hullabaloo? It is a super scheme. You request the government for a favor, pay a fee through this Bond and get your work done. There is no discrimination of any kind. Anybody of any religion, caste, creed, beef eating habits, sexual and criminal orientation, and Google search history can pay up, and get his work done. Has there ever been anything this efficient in the history of governance? I mean, ever?” With groggy eyes, I glanced at the headline in Frontline that said – Electoral Bonds: Why it is a giant scam. I murmured something about preferring Fixed Deposits over Bonds.

“So, have you decided who you will vote for? Not that it will matter. With the EVMs, we have got it all sorted. No hanky panky, if you know what I mean,” he winked.  I had no idea what he was referring to. If there were machines who could vote for you, then that was certainly progress. One had heard of robots and drones. This seemed like another helpful innovation. In any case, I realized I did need help. Making decisions wasn’t easy.

“What do you think about this Bharat Jodo thingy? My aunt went for their meeting at Shivaji Park. She found this Rahul dude cute. She finds his duel with Adani fascinating. I can understand the cuteness. After all he does have 25% Parsi blood in him. But why hassle Mr. Adani? Poor guy is just doing his job – managing ports, airports, mines, infrastructure, and he does it all with diligence and humility. It can’t be easy running that giant empire and selflessly building the nation. And giving monstrous returns on his shares. I had told my aunt to invest in Adani stocks. She didn’t. I guess its sour grapes now.”

I had no idea Rahul Dravid had Parsi blood in him. But what was he doing at Shivaji Park? Looking for new talent? And what was the beef with Mr. Adani? Some sponsorship deal gone south?

The bell rang again. It was Sarla Ben. A socialite in her 50s. A serial borrower of assorted things. And a reliable carrier of the most important news of The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society, Blocks A and B. She was accompanied by the charming Fasel Atke Khan, dapper as usual. His dalliance with Mrs. Braganza’s paying guest was doing the rounds. Cyrus called him the local Mr. Love Jihad, after le learnt about his JNU background.

“Are you even listening? See this – they even have an INDIA alliance now?” pointing at a headline that said “Rahul Gandhi’s Bharat Jodo Nyay Yatra concludes with show of strength in Mumbai”

“This INDIA alliance is a brotherhood of people who have fought each other all their lives. Now they have become friends. Sarla Ben, can Rahul and his friends be trusted?”

The penny dropped. He was referring to the other Rahul.

Sarla Bhen said she needed some almond milk urgently for guests that were arriving unexpectedly. “I don’t know about that, Cyrus. I do know that my wealth has gone up and I can have more holidays now. By the way voting days are holidays and this time it’s on a long weekend. I will be off to Alibag with friends. But what’s the point of voting? Aayega to Modi hi! Jai Shri Ram!”

Cyrus nodded agreeably and turned to the quiet and thoughtful Fasel. “What do you think Mr. Fasel? Will Rahul have the courage to use the Bulldozer? Or the craft to use the Washing Machine?”

My head had begun to spin. Sarla Bhen hastily whispered in my ear, “The government in UP demolishes the houses of people who they don’t like or those that go against them. Using a bulldozer. It’s fast track justice. The ruling party also loves to clean dirty politicians. And rehabilitates them with pomp and glory.”

I wished I could go back to bed.

“Mr. Cyrus, perhaps you could read their manifesto and write to Rahul Gandhi. Ask him questions. Express your concerns. They say he listens to all. I am sure he will listen to you too”, Fasel replied equitably.

And with that, Cyrus shot off a letter that is reproduced below:

April 2024

The Honorable Member of Parliament

Rahul Gandhi,

New Delhi

Subject: The Indian National Congress Election Manifesto 2024

Dear Rahul,

Allow me to introduce myself. I am a senior citizen from the Privileged Class. I received a blue chip higher education, substantially subsidized by the State in the 80s and 90s. I am part of a gated community called The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society, Blocks A and B. We are a jolly lot. We spend a lot of time in the Sensex Bubble, enjoying the stock market boom, exchanging sunset, sunrise and wildlife pictures with old friends, experimenting with Super food recipes, doing the occasional Keto detox, frequently going for binge jamborees with likeminded friends, often donating sizeable sums of monies to my “Independence seeking” alma mater and reconnecting with my “sanskari Bawa” self. As I have been the beneficiary of the highly enjoyable increase in wealth in the last few years, I am expectedly content. I am a keen observer of current events and have political views. Incidentally, I voted your party out in 2014.

My aunt, Ms. Khushnawaz Puranafurniturewala, is fascinated by you. Perhaps it is because of your part Parsi blood. And recently a neighbour suggested that I read your new manifesto. I did. I don’t know what your chances of winning are. But I was alarmed to see a few things that I believe will concern my class of people. I express them below with candour:

1. There is no mention anywhere of any Hindu / Muslim angle in your manifesto. Nor of demolition of any mosque or church. Will this not deprive many millions of devoted Hindus of the succor they have received these last few years, despite their life’s daily challenges?
2. You have chosen to denounce bulldozer justice, should you come to power. Why would you want to give up on this proven “fast track” system of justice, when approximately 50 million cases are pending in Indian courts?
3. You have announced that you will modify existing criminal laws to ensure that “bail is the rule and jail is the exception”. Is this wise? What if there are Maoists, urban naxals lurking amongst us? Allegedly trying to help the underprivileged. You do remember the Bhīma Koregaon 16? They were lawyers, professors, human rights advocacy blokes, all educated guys, even priests! Do we need such elements in our society?
4. You have promised freedom from fear, right to assemble peacefully, restoration of freedom of expression. Why? How will law and order hold, if there is no fear? Why should there be agitations at all, like the farmer’s protests, CAA protests, etc.? Too much of freedom may encourage idle thoughts, make people less productive. Do remember Mr. NRN Murthy’s advice of working 70 hours a week to build the nation.
5. It has been a relief to us that many laws have been passed without the necessity of parliament functioning “normally”. It has brought in speed and saved us the embarrassment of watching adults spar with each other in the garb of debate? Yet you have promised to have the Houses of Parliament function normally for at least a 100 days a year. This is strange and will take us back to a dark era!
6. You have offered to strengthen the autonomy of various agencies. Why? Is it not better that everyone works in concert with the government to ensure harmony and cohesiveness? Can you visualize an opera without a conductor? See how busy the ED, CBI, IT etc. are. Have you seen such frantic and focused activity before?
7. You are guaranteeing first jobs for the educated youth with an apprenticeship of Rs. 1 lakh a year. And loads of reskilling opportunities to the youth, the minorities and the underprivileged. Why give anything on a platter? Will there be any incentive left to work hard?
8. Why offer to fill the 30 lakh job vacancies in the government and public sector? Do we need more government or less? Imagine the additional bureaucracy these 30 lakh folks will create? Can these jobs not be contracted out? It is easier to “hire and fire” and one can save on social security benefits.
9. You want to offer social security to gig workers. Why, bro? By definition, they are independent contractors. The whole idea is to shift the burden of social security away from the companies to make these workers self-sufficient and independent. You are going against a well-established capitalist norm.
10. You wish to offer Rs 1 lakh per year to one woman from every poor family. Why? You expect them to use this surplus money to educate their families? My class of people will lose their maids, their drivers, their nannies and security guards, if there is so much surplus money available to them. What about the ones in the villages? Why will they now work in the fields to grow our food? This too promises to spur laziness.
11. You wish to legally guarantee MSP to the farmers based on Swaminathan formula? And give them debt relief? And make farming GST free? Are they on par with big businessmen or industrialists? And, more money in their hands may mean less incentive to migrate to cities and to work for people like us. Have you thought about this? Where will we get our labor from? This may also reduce profits of the Big Food Processors, depressing their stock prices and hurting our wealth. Have you thought about this?
12. You wish to increase daily wage rates to Rs. 400? And provide Urban Employment guarantee too? With social security and right to health? Bro, are we spoiling urban workers for good? Have you considered the impact on corporate bottom lines? On the consequent fall in stock prices? This will hit our hard earned wealth.
13. What’s this fixation on a caste census and on increasing reservations? Bro, we have to move past caste. If we keep raking it up, it won’t go away. We have to banish it from memory. Reservations too. Just consider this – tomorrow a whole aircraft may be full of quota people – how will we take our holidays? Have a heart.
14. You wish to increase protections for the STs under the Forest Rights Act. You believe this is fair play as they have first rights on their land? But, why would you want to make it difficult, expensive and time consuming for corporates to acquire land? It will hurt their investments and profits, in turn hurting stock prices and diminishing our wealth.
15. You wish to recognize civil unions within the LGBTQi community. What they do in their bedrooms is their business. But why make a public spectacle? I do not even want to know who is queer and who isn’t.
16. What’s in it for Big Industry? No tax cuts. No loan waivers. No special incentives for special companies working in special areas like ports, airports, telecom, etc.? Why this discrimination?
17. What is this obsession to create a level playing field within industry? That’s an ancient concept. Passé. Why should everybody be treated equally? Those who create more wealth for shareholders must get more rewards and incentives too from the government. Monopolies create scale. Look at Jio, Indigo Airlines & Adani. Can we live without them?
18. Universal and free healthcare in public health centers with a cashless insurance of Rs. 25 lakhs sounds utopian but will adversely affect a globally competitive Pharma and healthcare sector. Are you giving a death blow to this industry, whose stocks are highly fancied post Covid 19?
19. There seems to be, in your manifesto, a drive to somehow connect poverty & inequality to capitalism. Bro, both are important. Capitalism encourages merit. Inequality & poverty are a necessity of an ordered society. They drive aspiration. Do we want to reach a situation where we need to import maids, drivers, and security guards from Africa?
20. Your manifesto highlights that 80 crore people currently receive free grains. Why does this bother you? Would you want them to die instead? The current government is taking care of them. Should this not be celebrated?

Finally, do you have the wherewithal and sagacity to make “timely interventions” should you come to power? Like the ones made by the ruling government in saving Manipur, in solving the border issues in Ladakh with China, in saving the economy through  demonetization, in bringing relief through the remedy, Coronil, during the epidemic, in bringing transparency through the PM Care Fund and Electoral Bond schemes and in deploying a magic Washing Machine to rid India of corruption.

Bro, I hope you will see the merit in the above arguments and course correct. My friends and I do not wish to see a fall in our wealth, should you unexpectedly win this electoral battle. If the markets are happy, we are happy.

On a more personal note, how do you keep so fit and healthy? Any special Keto diet? Any secret Super foods? Any unusual asanas?

Cordially,

Cyrus Byramji Puranafurniturewala

A Concerned Citizen

Related:

Dear PM Modi! It was Hindutva Organisations, not the Congress that colluded with the Muslim League in Pre-Independence India

Why is the BJP calling the Congress Manifesto 2024 to be an “Imprint of the Muslim League”?

The post What are you doing Bro? Cyrus writes a 20 Point, Open Letter to Rahul Gandhi appeared first on SabrangIndia.

The first clue came from the way a bunch of women occupied a space called Shaheen Bagh towards the end of 2019. The very next clue that the Year 2020 was going to be special came not from the bug that derailed our lives, but in the way certain people dealt with it. They displayed a sense of balance in the way they processed data & scientific evidence, the transparency with which they connected with people, the calmness with which they engaged with them, the poise and resolve with which they rallied people around and got things done. Jacinda Ardern, Angela Merkel, Tsai Ing-Wen and our very own Shailaja Teacher showed compassionate and effective leadership in the face of extreme pressures and challenges. Indeed, this period has been a revelation to one entire gender of the human race how priceless and generally unrewarding is the silent work done by an entire other. The countless homemakers (still uncharitably referred to as housewives), Asha workers, teachers, nurses, hygiene and sanitation workers, Anganwadi workers, farmers and farm workers, members of various cooperatives and self-help groups – mostly women – who toil way for little or no wages and keep the wheels of the nation running. Let’s celebrate a few who remained distant from the spotlights. 

The Shaheen Bagh Nani, Bilkis Bano, made it to the list of The Time’s 100 most influential people of the world. She along with thousands of other women, clad in their traditional dresses and veils, concerned about the dubious citizenship laws that threatened to discriminate and render their kin as lesser citizens, showed the nation how responsible, constitutionally minded citizens must act in the face of oppression. Close behind them were Devangana Kalita and Natasha Karwal, the Pinjra Tod activists, Safoora Zargar, Gulfisha Fatima who represented a spirit of defiance and dissent against the “silent, giving, docile” stereotypes associated with women. Three of them have spent most of the pandemic behind bars allegedly for their role in the Delhi violence, which took more than 50 lives, while the leaders, who were caught on camera shouting slogans to incite violence, remain free, untouched by the long hands of the law! 

In India, the land is Maati, or the Mother. Can women farmers be far behind in the protests against the 3 new farm laws? These laws threaten to enslave millions of farmers and farm workers in the hands of large corporations. Kavitha Kuruganthi is a key member of the Mahila Kisan Adhikar Manch (MAKAAM), an organisation that works in the interests of women farm workers, unites various organisations towards the legal recognition and rights of women farm workers. It is a travesty that despite doing 75% of farm work, women folk own just 12% of the farm land, remain unrecognised legally as “farmers”  and  get lower daily wages for similar work in comparison to men. Kuruganthi is the sole woman in the 40 member All India Kisan Sangharsh Coordination Committee (AIKSCC), that is negotiating with the Indian government on the repeal of the 3 laws.

Jyoti Shinoli is a reporter at PARI, the People’s Archive of Rural India. She won two of her three journalism awards this year for PARI, an online resource for news and content related to Rural India. Her stories have included diverse themes – from social stigma faced by Bhil women suffering infertility issues to Pardhi Adivasis who are compelled to beg away just to stay alive as the lockdown has denied them even this opportunity. She has also covered students staying in slums who are struggling to balance online classes with the need to support their families with additional income to cope with the aftermath of the epidemic and the harsh lockdown. 

The coverage of the heinous rape in Hathras exposed how low the Indian mainstream media has fallen. In the midst of the media circus, Tanushree Pandey stood tall. Taking on a brutal, repressive law and order machinery gone rogue, she exposed all attempts by the state to throttle the truth through her vigilant, courageous reporting. She was one small ray of hope in a year when India ranked 142 out of 180 in the Global Press Freedom Index. Another journalist of calibre and integrity was Arfa Khanum Sherwani, winner of several awards and a keen defender of human rights. She was at the forefront – unflinching, unafraid of asking tough questions. Her coverage of both the anti-CAA and the farmer’s protests as well as the Bihar elections provided valuable on-the-ground perspectives.

The Hathras crime also brought into focus the daily oppression and discrimination faced by Dalits and Dalit women in particular. Even after decades of independence, the apathy, the hostility, the violence faced by Dalits remain a black mark on the moral character of our nation. Saying it like it is, were several Dalit women of substance – notable among them Kiruba Munusamy, a Supreme Court Lawyer, Meena Kandasamy, a poet and novelist, Cynthia Stephen, a researcher on gender and poverty, Divya Malhari, a teacher and writer. Their writings and webinars ranged from doing “Caste 101” to explaining why almost every crime and violence in India has caste at its roots and how this systemic oppression has been normalised in a way that it appears “invisible” to the urban sensibility. A key point made by them was the need for Dalit leaders to claim their space in not just Dalit issues but broader universal issues as well.

One would have imagined that a pandemic year would provide the State with an opportunity to be thoughtful in the way it deals with Environment issues and have  a calibrated approach to sustainable development. The draft EIA 2020 paper rang the first alarm bell. Then came the three road, rail and electrification projects in Mollem in the cradle of the Western Ghats of Goa to create a national coal hub. These projects will cause irreversible ecological damage to Goa’s largest protected forest reserve and a part of a larger Tiger landscape . They threaten the survival of several endemic Schedule 1 species,  Goa’s natural ability to counter climate change and the state’s water security. Again, women were at the forefront. The Amche Mollem campaign was spearheaded by a majority women’s team. One of the team members was Dr Nandini Velho, a distinguished wildlife scientist. Taking charge of all matters scientific, she also played a vital role in a 30 member scientific team, to review the state sponsored EIAs of these projects to provide an independent perspective.  She was detained by police recently, on her way to the Goa Liberation Day celebrations, for carrying roses, a sanitizer and a camera! Sherry Fernandes , a 21 year old journalist leading the youth campaign for Mollem, was invited to speak on Faye D’souza’s  show. Valerie Afonso, is part  of  the Chicalim Youth Famers Club. She  actively campaigned and mobilized Goa’s youth on ground, through creative ways like song and dance and led delegations to local MLAs and government officials (forest dept) to get to them to listen to their concerns about Mollem. The teams led by these women and supported by thousands from Goa’s civil society created an impactful campaign that reverberated throughout the nation and beyond. They have created an awareness among youth in particular, on the long term damage that reckless, unplanned, corporate driven projects can cause on the ecology of sensitive natural habitats.

Ravish Kumar, Editor, TV anchor and Magsaysay award winner, recently commented that “Cartoonists did what 24 hour news channels and 20 pages of newspapers couldn’t achieve”. They gave the brutal edginess that one normally expects from investigative journalism in showing truth to power. Rachita Taneja  of @sanitarypanels , through her  pencil line illustrations covered a range of everyday themes that would make one squirm, constantly scratching the surface to unravel default settings of  our prejudiced minds. Her satire has provided a backbone of support to the various protests that have taken place in the country this year. Another satirist, Agrima Kaur Khan, reinforced the point that “no subject is off limits for a comic, not even that of a popular king or a supreme leader”

Majority of the trans community in India is engaged in sex work, as they  struggle to find other means. While the migrant workers, during lockdown, returned to their homes without jobs after considerable struggle, the trans people neither had jobs nor any homes to return to. Meera Sanghamitra, a trans activist and convenor of the National Alliance of People’s Movement and other activists took up their cause for sustained assistance from the Ministry of Social Justice and Empowerment. Supreme Court recently directed all states to give sex workers dry rations without insisting on identification papers.

Dr Soumya Swaminathan, among India’s leading Infectious Disease experts was in the spotlight as the Chief Scientist at WHO in the year when a pandemic took nearly 2 million lives. Not only did she do her bit in maintaining transparency around the way the disease was evolving and the efforts needed to counter it, she was equally forthright about how patriarchal Indian public institutions were, particularly in the areas of research. Addressing a conference of Women Leaders, she said “It is more difficult for women researchers to get their grants approved, significantly smaller portion of research grants go to women, and women also have difficulties in getting their results published if you are from developing countries in journals because of perceived biases. I have faced those kinds of challenges and biases”

Ranaa Ayub is no stranger to fearless reporting and has received awards for journalistic courage. She won a few this year too. Now a regular in international journalism conferences, holding her own on the New India and Acche Din, she showed her compassionate, human side in raising funds and personally helping out thousands of migrant families through their most difficult times during the lockdown.

The CPI(M) in Kerala won a thumping majority in the recent local body elections. They have gone about creating history by nominating many youth leaders to lead these local bodies. A sterling example that made headlines is that of Arya Rajendran, India’s youngest mayor from Thirivananthapuram. She is the state committee member of the Students Federation of India and is pursuing  a graduation in Mathematics.

One woman, Tara Krishnaswamy, continued her battle to establish equal representation for women in electoral politics. Shakti – Political Power to Women, a nonpartisan collective founded by Krishnaswamy, engaged on the ground and in SM to campaign for more women in national and state legislatures and to bring back the focus on the long pending Women’s Reservation Bill. Their presence was felt in the run-up to the Delhi and Bihar elections.

Jayati Ghosh, a leading, globally acclaimed development economist, provided invaluable insights into how the pandemic is likely to impact the nation’s economy, the migrant crisis and the triple impact of demonetisation, poor GST implementation and the pandemic on the very fabric of the nation. Equally useful was her acumen in interpreting a maze of economic numbers, often cleverly portrayed as truthful data. She continues to offer pragmatic solutions on how the government can expand the fiscal deficit to fund essentials for the poor and create a path for demand-led bounce back of the economy.

Binalakshmi Nepram, a writer from Manipur, continued to champion women’s rights and led initiatives to arrest the gun and drug menace invading the North-East, a geo-strategic area having border with five countries. She has made considerable efforts in reducing the information deficit about the region, expanding awareness about its culture, its identity, the absence of a caste system and the conflicts it faces due to its geography and history.

While the nation continued to remain in the grip of a macho, muscular, petty and anti-people governance mindset, these women were role models of feminist thought, of a principled, organised, non-violent, non-patriarchal way of reclaiming spaces, freedom of expression and dissent and protecting our Constitutional values. There is a sense of renewed energy and hope. 2021 promises to be eventful.

Chandru Chawla has a normal day time job and writes at night to keep his insanity intact

Derek Monteiro is a laidback artist, poet and composer, who dabbles in jazz to annoy and disperse pesky pigeons on his windowsill

(The views expressed here are personal)

The post When Women Led the Defense of the Constitution appeared first on SabrangIndia.

New Farm Laws

Three farm laws have been passed without discussion with farmer groups and in violation of  due process in Parliament. The government view, and that of certain economists and commentators in support of these laws, is that these will liberate farmers from their present misery. This is their hypothesis:

• Farmers will get higher prices

• They can sell anywhere in the country as there will be a uniform single market

• They will not get exploited by middlemen anymore

• Private companies will invest heavily in distribution infrastructure

• The existing systems of Minimum Support Price (MSP)  and APMC (state owned) markets and Public Distribution System (PDS) will continue, even though not mandated by law

• Free markets will ensure that there is fair pricing and fair terms for farmers, at the hands of large corporates

Several hands-on farmer groups and agronomists have pointed out:

• Currently 94% of farmers already sell outside of the APMC markets and at prices much below MSP – why has this privatisation not helped before, even if only at the state level, and why will it do so now?

• Bihar, touted as a model, in 2006, dismantled the APMC and MSP system and threw open agriculture to private investments. Yet, why do its farmers still sell illegally to APMC markets in Punjab and Haryana, where they get paid at MSP levels? Why has there been negligible investments in this state from big companies?

• By keeping “trade in APMC markets as taxed” and “that outside as tax free”, has the government not signed the death warrant of the former? Why would “high cost tax paid” trade happen in APMC markets? Who does this benefit, if not the large companies?

• Why have countries like US and those of Europe, who have operated similar corporatized agriculture markets, failed in keeping farmers sustainable? This is despite open markets, liberal credit facilities and insurance products, commodity exchanges and all the trappings of free markets. Why has farmer bankruptcy been on the rise? Why have farmer suicides increased in these countries? Why does US alone need over $ 400 bill of subsidies to keep the farmers interested and viable in farming? Why has the entire food chain in these countries become the hegemony of a few large global players, who are now imposing another form of slavery through GMO seeds? Why should a failed system be imposed on Indian farmers? Who does it really benefit?

• Why have the number of farmers reduced in US during the period of privatisation to less than a tenth, if corporatization was manna for farmers? Is that the game plan for over 600 mill cultivators that are engaged in cultivation in India and with small holdings? Who does that benefit? What happens if this corporatisation goes south and small farmers are left both landless and jobless, an overriding fear for most?

• Why have the Swaminathan committee recommendations not been implemented? These included legally mandating MSP at all costs plus 50%, strengthening the PDS and  making long term tillers owners of those lands. Why has every political party made electoral promises on them but not implemented them when in power? Who benefits from these broken promises?

• Why have farmers not been given legal rights in these 3 laws,  otherwise available to all citizens of the country, for settling disputes? Why can’t they access civil courts for getting justice? Are corporation – farmer relationships not likely to be disproportionately skewed in bargaining power, in favour of the former? Whom does this benefit?

• Why have “minimum qualification criteria” for new traders, buyers done away with? How will farmers be expected to verify “credentials” of new buyers, a service provided formerly in the APMC system?

• If the government is certain that MSP regime will stay, why can’t it be made legally mandatory, for both private and APMC markets? Who benefits from not having a legally mandated floor price?

• If the government is certain that PDS will continue, why can’t that be made mandatory by law? What recourse do farmers have if both private and public buyers do not offer to buy at MSP? The farmers are left holding a perishable produce and will be forced to sell at distress prices, which is the experience of 94% of farmers for decades. Who benefits from this “deliberate loophole”?

• Given that Food and Agriculture are state subjects, why were the States not consulted on these laws? Why were they rushed through Parliament without debate and without a due process of vote and expert consultation?

• Why have the laws, that claim to be a 1991 reform moment for the farmers, not touched upon vital aspects like incentives for soil health, agro-forestry, natural farming, etc?

Engaging with Farmers

• What’s the motive of the various pro-government forces behind creating this narrative – that the farmers are Khalistani, implying seditious intentions?

• Why have the government leaders alleged that the farmers are being misled? Are the farmers not capable of thinking for themselves? Do they not understand their economics, their subsistence needs and their aspirations for better lives?

• Why have the farmers been welcomed with water cannons, tear gas, barricades and dug-up  trenches? In the midst of a pandemic? And aimed even at senior citizens? When did they lose their right to peaceful protests?

• What’s the suspicion behind seeing some farmers speaking English, having smart phones and cars, and being perfectly articulate in their demands?

• What’s the motive behind linking these protests to the ones in Shaheen Bagh? Isn’t this a way of “othering” farmers just like how the minorities were “othered” in those protests ?

Respecting the Farmers

• They must be treated with respect and dignity and met by people who are authorised to take decisions. The government must completely do away with stalling tactics, double speak and IT cell-created false narratives

• Their demands of legally mandated fair price, fair terms, continuing public procurement, widening the fair price basket of commodities, fair access to dispute resolution must be met with, while repealing the 3 new laws in their present form

• The APMC network must be widened to have a market every 5 square kilometres throughout the country. This requires their numbers to go up from current 7000+ to about 50,000+

• The private sector is welcome but on terms at par with the public sector

• The corporates must stop pretending that this lock jam does not concern them. There are many companies who have a stake in this space – Reliance, Adani, Godrej, Mahindra, Marico, HUL, Britannia, ITC etc – literally the Who’s Who of industry. They must, either individually, or through organisations like CII and FICCI, make their stands clear on these bills as well as on the concerns of the farmers.

Above all, civil society across the nation must come out strongly in support and express their solidarity with the people who bring the food on their table. If farmers could offer langar to even the cops who were firing water cannons on them, surely we can at least make our voices heard on their behalf on the streets and in social media.

Those in power, whose hearts are yet untouched by what the farmers are saying, should consider this passionate refrain of Sahir Ludhianvi, The Voice of Man, written on the cusp of India’s freedom

Till when can the voice of Adam be suppressed? We too shall see
Till when can angry emotions be controlled? We too shall see
We too shall see, for sure, just like this, the constant oppression.

Whether we see it from the door of the dungeon or from the heights of the scaffold
We too shall see you dishonoured in the marketplace of the world
Just take a moment’s breath, we too shall see the consequences of the grandeur of Jamshed.

You too behold this vanity of power
We too shall see this by the kindness of the firm belief’s fervour
We too shall see a bend upon the dusty face that wears the jaunty headgear.

Retribution is a tradition of human history
Till when will you amass the arrows, we too shall see
We too shall see how far you will persist with your tyranny.

O sons of darkness this is the time for departure
We too shall see the morning wear  the flag of red colour
You too will have to see this clamour, and we too shall see

Chandru Chawla has a normal day time job and writes at night to keep his insanity intact

Derek Monteiro is a laidback artist, poet and composer, who dabbles in jazz to annoy and disperse pesky pigeons on his windowsill

The post For & Against: Farmers’ Dignity & Right to Fair Livelihood appeared first on SabrangIndia.

As this is being written, the Supreme Leader has inaugurated a zoo in Gujarat. The Minister of Environment, Forests and Climate Change promptly tweeted that this will make people feel as if they are in a jungle. Ironically, the same minister has hastened the destruction of real, vibrant, bio-diverse jungles in Western Ghats and in the Eastern Himalayas, in the name of development. Right in the middle of a pandemic, that is screaming out aloud to anyone who cares to listen “Don’t mess with Nature”. This has certainly fallen on deaf ears in the state government of Goa. 

The people of Goa are battling three linear intrusion projects in Ecologically Sensitive Areas and Protected Areas. These projects – doubling of a railway track, 4 laning of a major highway and installation of a 400 kV transmission line – will hack away 170 hectares of protected forest cover and 240 square kilometers of the Western Ghats, acknowledged as a global biodiversity hotspot. The Environment Impact Assessment (EIA) reports of these three projects have raised several questions by scientists and concerned citizens:

1. Why are there three mega projects in protected areas? When did these areas lose their protection? How were those decisions taken? What was the involvement of the affected citizens of the state?

2. Why were Cumulative Impact Studies not conducted to assess impact on both the wildlife in the Mollem area as well as the human habitat around it?

3. Why were wildlife clearances for two of the projects provided during the pandemic through means that clearly subverted a robust audit and scrutiny?

4. Why is there an inadequate detail on environment costs and mitigation as also on compensation, penalty and compliance?

5. The scientific assessment also leaves a lot to be desired – why are several issues like methodology of baseline surveys, afforestation and protection methods, soil erosion and its impact, water and air assessment methods, assessment of insect and fish diversity, snowballing impact of change in microclimates, to name a few, given scant or no review?

The proposed draft EIA 2020 notification had already raised a hue and cry earlier this year. It proposed, among several controversial changes, plans to set aside public consultation and introduce ex-post facto clearances for many projects. If such an EIA process is finally approved, one can reasonably assume safe passage of the three Goa projects, despite a flawed and inadequate EIA around them.

The ruling party’s own MLA, Alina Saldanha, has been vocal about the havoc these projects will cause to the people of the state. Alleging coal transportation as a key reason, she has expressed concern around the “destruction of the environment, coal dust pollution that will further lead to pulmonary disorders, destruction of people’s houses and Goa’s heritage”.

Has the country forgotten its obligations to the Climate Change goals as part of the Paris treaty? A quick reminder:

1. Reduce emissions by a third by 2030, from 2005 baseline, 

2. Increase share of the power generated by non-fossil fuels to 40 per cent by 2030, 

3. Create an additional carbon sink of 2.5-3 Gigatons of CO2e (carbon dioxide equivalent) by 2030 – from enhanced tree and forest cover (this would need 25 million acres of new forests with five billion native trees – a 15 per cent increase – roughly the size of 30 Goas in new forest cover)

Any reasonable citizen would question the need to destroy forest land, when one must enhance forest and tree cover. One would also question the need for investing in infrastructure to support coal and fossil fuels, when the focus must be shifted to renewables. Why do so anyway in a power surplus state? Given the nature of Goa’s landscape, abundant sunshine and its typical Mangalore tile roof-based housing, every house in Goa could be generating its own solar energy and even offering the surplus to the grid, resulting in many micro industries around the same. Goa’s coast-based tourism is already saturated. Keeping its lush hinterland pristine and unspoilt would be the way to develop a premium nature-based tourism and revive the sector. More reason, why these projects will hinder Goa’s future.

The State’s lack of transparency around the motivation of these projects, its relations, if any, with the project beneficiaries, the inadequate and hurried process surrounding the various environmental approvals and the lack of consultation with citizen groups has led to a public outpouring of peaceful, nonviolent protest uniting various cross-sections of society. Leading the struggle are citizen-led groups such as Goyant Kollso Naka, whose vigilant participation has exposed the facts around power usage in Goa. The name, meaning “Goa Does Not Want Coal” has now become a rallying cry across Goa uniting even the opposition parties such as the Congress, AAP and Goa Forward on standing in solidarity with the citizens. A documentary, The Art of Destruction, brought together some of Goa’s prominent ecologists, environmentalists, architects, activists, artists and government representatives and explored the dilemmas faced in conservation and development and what strikes the right balance.

Despite these protests, the railway double tracking project has already begun. Working clandestinely at night amidst heavy security cover, the state has chosen to cock a snook at its people. The same rhetoric that has played elsewhere is playing out in Goa – confuse the people with half-truths & untruths, run rough shod over established norms and processes, decimate the autonomy of institutions, brand the dissenters as anti-state, anti-development and help a few crony companies profit at the expense of the people. The midnight protest on November 1 until 5 AM the following day in Chandor, Goa – the seat of the double tracking rail project – may well be a turning point. This brought together several thousands of ordinary citizens in an all-night vigil on the railway track that ferries coal through the state. The message was clear – Goa’s people WILL NOT allow Goa to become a Coal Hub. Are the state ministers listening? Is the centre listening?

Credits: Sherry Fernandes, Save Mollem Campaign (https://twitter.com/savemollemgoa)

Credits: Goyant Kollso Naka (https://www.facebook.com/goyantkolsonaka)

Credits: Goyant Kollso Naka (https://www.facebook.com/goyantkolsonaka)

Peaceful dissent cannot be de-legitimised. Nor can it be overlooked. An injustice anywhere is an injustice everywhere. What is happening in a corner of Goa may eventually engulf all of Goa. Indeed, the whole country is seeing a cruel, capricious, anti-people decision making in every aspect of governance – an unprincipled demonetisation, a poorly implemented GST, the incarceration of an entire state and its people, a hurried, unplanned lockdown, an uncoordinated pandemic response, an arrogant handling of the migrant labour crisis, an insufficient economic revival package – undermining all the socio-economic gains of the previous decade and possibly slipping tens of millions back into poverty.

Goa has a vibrant culture, natural heritage and a viable economy. Its ecology is its unique selling proposition. Attacking it relentlessly and ruthlessly with illogical projects that reflect 19^th century thinking, could endanger its very existence. The whole country must come together and stand with the people of Goa. In solidarity.

Chandru Chawla has a normal day time job and writes at night to retain his insanity

Derek Monteiro is a laidback artist, poet and composer, who dabbles in jazz to annoy and disperse pesky pigeons on his windowsill

The post Goa’s People say NO to Coal appeared first on SabrangIndia.

The other day, my chest puffed up with pride. In an interaction on science and technology, our Supreme Leader challenged the world to invent a wind turbine that will extract energy, water and oxygen from air, all in one go. Many called this impractical, untested and a pie-in-the-sky kind of idea. I see it as a remarkable piece of provocation to challenge us into attempting the near-impossible. If even partially successful, it may solve a significant part of the Climate Change problem. Imagine a farmer running a turbine, generating his power needs from the wind, and simultaneously sucking out water for his fields and oxygen that humanity needs. Perhaps with the abundance of water and oxygen thus generated, we may not need trees. So, tree cutting, an exercise that surprisingly irks many citizens, may cease to be a bone of contention. In fact, one may clear entire forest lands without triggering protests, except from the No-ones (who according to one leader, are Dalits, Tribals and Muslims – and not considered human by the rest). This is an idea that the mining and construction industry should welcome. An ingenious idea with 3 direct benefits and multiple collateral ones!

Never mind that earlier ideas like using sound and light to kill Corona, harnessing gas from sewers to make tea – did not work out. A leader’s role is to provide a grand vision and stimulate minds. We are a country where aircrafts were invented in the Vedic era, internet was available during Mahabharata, plastic surgery was used for the creation of an elephant God, stem cell science and test tube technology was used to conceive babies for the blind King of Hastinapur and cows have been inhaling and exhaling oxygen. We can either feel sorry that modern civilization does not give us due credit, or we can feel immense pride and look forward to the next era of Indian dominance in science. I give below a partial list of provocations that the Supreme Leader may use to spur more breakthrough innovation.

Provocation 1: Does No mean Yes?

Can we invent a low cost, easy-to-use gadget that all women and girls carry that reacts to the word “No” and paralyses the man nearby, who has invoked that response from the woman? The gadget will be agnostic to the man’s age, caste, religion, economic background and ideology. According to the NCRB report of 2019, some 46 women were screaming NO somewhere in India every hour. The men with those women were not listening. The proposed gadget should cause paralysis for a few hours, giving the men ample time to reflect on their actions. It should also record the man’s voice and facial features and link it to their Aadhar numbers residing in the NCRB database. Three strikes, and the man should face a permanent physical disability as a chastisement. More severe reprimands for those guilty men who were in uniform or in public service or were related to the women.

Provocation 2: The Death of Farmer Suicides

Why should over 10 farmers commit suicides daily in Maharashtra alone? Can we not invent a simple solution that gives them remunerative and stable prices? Here’s one. The governments sponsor a panel of say 5 lakh farmers countrywide, picked randomly. They agree with the farmer associations on a list of 25-50 essential commodities related to agriculture – rice, wheat, pulses, millets, edible oils, sugar, etc. The panel of farmers, in every season, submits real time data of their inputs and costs, including those related to family labor and land. At harvest, they also submit crop yields. All submissions are done through government sponsored smart phone and apps. Some assumptions are made on wastages, spoilages, etc. The Minimum Support prices are generated based on these costs + a markup of 50%. They are announced publicly. All trader purchases must happen, by law, at these prices. The maximum retail prices are legally mandated at MSP + 50%, for nationwide implementation. As an illustration, a Rs 2000 per quintal cost for rice would mean an MSP of Rs 3000 per quintal for farmer and an MRP of Rs 45 per kg for the consumer. The MSP for rice this year is below Rs 1900 per quintal! And retail prices range from Rs 45-65 per kg.

Provocation no 3: No More Shit

How about upgrading the over 90 million toilets built in the Swachh Bharat Mission? Turning them into waterless toilets which also convert human pee and poop into clean energy and fertilizers and limit emissions. Over 2/3rds of human solid waste is untreated in India, finding its way into streams, rivers, soil and eventually into our food and water. 2% of GDP is lost due to poor sanitation. We may be generating nearly 0.5 gigatons of human poop every year. Collecting it safely, converting it in a manner that its carbon is safely stored in soil and perhaps the hydrogen becomes the source for clean fuel, could be one way. Such pilot solutions are available. Scaling up may be needed.

Provocation no 4: Here Comes the Sun

It is said that “solar paneling” the Thar desert can satisfy the energy needs of the whole nation. Bhadla Solar Park in Rajasthan is a good prototype. Now that unit costs of solar energy are extremely competitive to the coal fired thermal energy costs, can we think of an “energy generation solution” that also helps in greening the desert? Solar energy and reversing the climate to get higher rainfall and increased vegetation? John Liu led the initiative to re-green the Loess plateau in China, an area roughly 3x the size of Thar desert. Over a period of 20 years, a once barren land got converted into a biologically rich and diverse ecosystem that supports the lives and livelihoods of millions of people. India should take the 4 per 1000 global initiative seriously – of increasing the storage of carbon in soil by 0.4% each year, as a way to meet the goals of the Paris Climate Change Accord

Provocation 5: Looking for a Sea Change

It is surmised that in the next 100 years, sea water levels could rise as much as 6 meters and entire countries could get submerged. India has a long shoreline, roughly a fifth of the circumference of the earth. What John Liu is to desert regreening, Carl Hodges is to seawater-based agriculture. This model proposes to mitigate the potential seawater level rise, by diverting it to canals that run off into dry, barren lands as well as lagoons set up for shrimp farming. The shrimp farm waste provides natural manure for the barren lands, allowing the growth of food crops, slowly restoring the flora and fauna of the region and providing livelihoods. Salicornia bigelovii, an edible succulent, was grown in saline water, fertilized with shrimp and tilapia poo. The plant also produces an abundance of oil seeds that have made this one of the most promising biofuels for the aviation industry.

Provocation no 6: Lifting the Poor

Over 2/3rds of India lives in poverty. Can we target lifting them out of poverty within a decade. How about employing Abhijit Banerjee’s idea of transferring a “productive asset” to each. It can be a farm animal, or land or inventory to start a small trade. Give them skills in making use of the asset and managing their money, sustenance money for 12-18 months, healthcare and mentoring. The model has been piloted in Bangladesh with great success, impacting over a half million families – a country, which has astonishingly overtaken India in per capita income.

Provocation no 7: The Venom of Love

What’s the antidote to the caste brutality that the Hathras victim faced? Or to the over 45,000 incidents of similar caste-based violence that take place annually? Or the single-minded misogyny hurled at the girlfriend of an actor that committed suicide? Or the almost casual way in which an ad depicting communal harmony was trolled relentlessly? Or the normalization of the “incarceration of a whole state and its people”? Or the keenness to pass laws that will grade citizenship? Or the reluctance to show any meaningful compassion for farmers and workers but a tearing hurry to support crony capitalism? Or the façade of being an eco-warrior-nation while allowing the plunder of rich bountiful forests?

Where does one find this serum – the Venom of Love? The nation wants to know.

(Chandru Chawla has a normal day time job and writes at night to retain his insanity 

Derek Monteiro is a laidback artist, poet and composer, who dabbles in jazz to annoy and disperse pesky pigeons on his windowsill)

The post The Making of a Vishwa Guru appeared first on SabrangIndia.

Illustration Credit: Derek Monteiro

The other day, an old trusted friend was dishing out wisdom on Natural Nutrition. Banana, he said, is the common man’s fruit. It can hold its own against most of its rivals. It is an all year fruit, and cheap. My ears cocked up. He went on, “Rich in vitamins, minerals, fiber, iron, calcium – it can be a curry, a snack and even a dessert. Raw bananas are also a diabetic’s delight. If you own a banana tree, you may be holding a king’s ransom, for every part of the tree – the flower, the leaf, the stem and the fruit – is edible. It can grow anywhere, in the poorest of soils and even if tended with grey water!”

I could take no more. Having been brought up in the lap of Alphonso mangoes, I decided that this nice man needed a Gujarat model-like dose of reality. I asked him if he had heard of the Apple that kept the doctor away? Realising that he probably hadn’t, I went ahead with ruthless precision, “So why is a banana-head a stupid person? Or why is a one banana problem something even a trained monkey can handle? If one is talking bananas, what is one talking about if not nonsense? Why is acting like a banana, pretending to be what you are not? Like a young Opposition leader who pretends to be one. And if you are being fed banana oil, what are you being fed with? Knowledge and wisdom? Or you are being fed with disingenuous drivel or something that is exaggerated to flatter – like the videos of the same young Opposition leader who is always finding flaw with one thing or another?”

I soon realised that a regular diet of bananas had annihilated this man’s brains. He had perhaps forgotten that our honorable Prime Minister gave interviews to talk about – not bananas – but mangoes! I mocked his contention that a fruit with a name ending in na can be rich. I rebuked, “For a Banana to have everything, it would have to be called a Ban-ani!”. He continued to look defiant. I suddenly realised he was showing traits of a recently discovered species called “urban naxals”. Specimens of these species are seeking equity, kindness, compassion, enlightenment, fraternity, tolerance and other metaphysical, anti-national things that no one understands or wants. I made up my mind. He needed some solid UAPA-like treatment. An Ultimate Antidote for People Abnormal. A technique that is designed to make you normal and conform to what other normal people do – mind their own business and not shake the tree – not even the one with bananas.

I assumed my most authoritative and menacing Shah of India – like manner and roared, “We are a country whose economy is in shambles. It has been struck by a triplet of thunderbolts – demonetisation, GST and Covid19 – and yet the people are filled with the confidence of a V shape recovery. We have a few crore unemployed people, yet everyone is busy following the sad suicide of a young actor to seek justice for him. Because justice is more important than hunger and unemployment. Much of our profitable public sector, once strategic and flourishing, is now on the block, and will be in the hands of a few. Because we believe that Privatization will bring a glorious future. Our Leader promised that Corona will vanish in 21 days. Now millions are infected with the Corona bug, and the numbers keep growing. Yet we remain assured of a quick flattening of the curve. What’s more, to save the parliamentarians and the people from needless pressure in these uncertain times, even the Question hour will be suspended. Our institutions follow faithfully the rule of law – of one Wise, Strong man. Our prisons have people like doctors, lawyers, poets, teachers, students – the Abnormals, who are being given the Antidote. Some for rejecting laws that make some citizens, hmm, un-citizens. Others for just being who they are. And now the courts have even confirmed that listening to the voice of conscience has a price. Not even the threat of a giant, ambitious bully at our borders has moved us away from ruthlessly exposing our internal enemies and scratching old fault lines.  

And yet, despite being the world’s largest producer of bananas, has India ever been called a Banana Republic?!”

(Chandru Chawla has a normal day time job and writes at night to retain his insanity

Derek Monteiro is a laidback artist, poet and composer, who dabbles in jazz to annoy and disperse pesky pigeons on his windowsill)

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