The 6 am knock on my door wasn’t unusual. It was Samir Puncturewala. The newspaper guy. Who also doubled up as the milk vendor, the light fitter, the plumber and the do-any-odd-job guy. Samir was educated and unemployed. And willing to do anything with dignity to make ends meet. He had once skillfully fixed a puncture in Mrs. Braganza’s car. And then Sarla Bhen had discovered that he was a Muslim. And the name stuck. I was told later that there was something inappropriate about it. But Samir remained cool. He spoke in English with everyone, hopeful of impressing somebody who might create a job opportunity.
He had indeed brought my milk and papers. He was also waving a sheaf of ominous looking yellow sheets that could mean only one thing – my neighbor, Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala, had drafted something. The short note was curt, “Please give your comments on this draft to Puncturewala. Matter urgent. Of vital national importance.”
I sat down with a sigh. I noticed that Samir had not left. He was expected to take the draft back. With my comments. I am not at my best in the mornings. Even Cyrus knows it. But does he care? Wait a minute. I do hope you remember Cyrus – my educated, eloquent and erudite neighbor of advancing years, active in our Housing Society affairs as well as a keen follower of national events. He had once pleaded with the Beloved Leader for the use of Pegasus to spy on our General Secretary, Mr. H.E. Chacko or Commie Chacko as he was privately called. In keeping with the spirit of the ongoing national elections, he had persuaded a reluctant Commie Chacko to call a Special General Body Meeting of our society. The General Body passed 3 resolutions – endorsing – the 3 pictures of the Beloved Leader to be put up in the Common Areas of the housing Society, the Vision of the Beloved Leader for Viksit Bharat 2047, and the Uniform Society Code on lines of the Uniform Civil Code. He had even given Rahul Gandhi a piece of his mind on his “outrageous” manifesto.
I glanced at Cyrus’ draft. It was addressed to a Dhruv Rathee. “Samir, who is this Dhruv? Some new chap in our Housing Society, usurping Cyrus’ parking space? Or some neighborhood politician?”
Samir appeared hesitant. On prodding, he said, “Sir, he is a Youtuber who has millions of followers. He likes to call himself a teacher and shares his knowledge on Indian and world history, current affairs, sightseeing and tech. He is a young, savvy dude and speaks with simplicity and facts. His recent videos have created a nationwide stir. He called Electoral Bonds, the biggest scam in the history of India. He has called our Beloved Leader a scared and desperate Dictator and his fans a club of brainwashed WhatsApp mafia.”
“Whoa! Seems like Cyrus has found his match! Please read on.”
And so the draft was read out:
Dear Dhruv Rathee
Who are you? Are you a NRI or a Foreigner? Anyway, why are you interfering in India’s internal affairs?
You have maligned my Beloved Leader. You have maligned WhatsApp. This is not done. Not done at all!
I am shaking with anger. You have insulted my intelligence. You are saying I have been brainwashed! I have studied at IIT and IIM. I have made a lot of wealth and am enjoying my senior years with equally privileged and learned people at The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society Blocks A and B. We have seen our wealth grow three times in the last decade. Are you mocking this?
Even with my abundant material comforts, am I sitting idle? No Sir, no. I take a keen interest in the affairs of our Housing Society. I am a keen observer of national current affairs too.
I would first like to give you a point wise response on Brainwashing and WhatsApp mafia that you refer to in your latest video.
You make the allegation that people like me have become fan boys of the Beloved Leader and our admiration is just blind faith. No. A big No. We are critical too. Here are some examples where I have found the Beloved Leader wanting:
- Pegasus was used to do surveillance on enemies of state. Why wasn’t it opened up for ‘Pay for Use” by private citizens who are patriots? That was a lost business opportunity.
- Demonetisation was done only on the big notes. Had it been done on smaller notes as well, we would have found the small cash hoarders as well. Results may well have been different. Digital economy would have leapfrogged.
- The temple inauguration was restricted to Indian guests only. Foreign heads of states should have been invited to showcase the glory of our ancient civilization. India’s standing in the comity of nations would have reached staggering heights.
Your video shows people gleefully accepting higher petrol prices as a mark of trust in their Beloved Leader. What is wrong in this? If Indira Gandhi and other leaders could donate their jewelry towards the funds needed for a War with China, surely we can all do our bit with higher priced fuel to fund corona vaccines, Ayushman Bharat and free grains for the poor. This is philanthropy at scale, perhaps beyond your comprehension.
You have called Indian WhatsApp users an organized mafia or a den for broadcasting lies and misinformation. Bro, what have you been smoking? Had it not been for this “university”, Nehru, Gandhi, Godse and Savarkar would have long been forgotten. It has also been possible to reincarnate leaders long erased from memory, like Golwalkar, Shyama Prasad Mukherjee and that other guy. Why do you grudge new generations of Indians digging into their past and rediscovering themselves? Why do you grudge this spirit of enquiry into different versions of history? Or this odyssey of exploring our glorious scientific achievements from our medieval past, like plastic surgery, space travel, artificial insemination and internet?
In another video, you have alleged that India is fast turning into a Dictatorship. Bro, you are smoking something very potent! This is the second national election under this government. It has conducted countless state and local body elections. These are elections. Elections! Votes have been cast. Votes have been counted. People’s choices have been elected. Does that sound like a dictatorship? You have made references to arrest of Chief Ministers. If you have any evidence of their innocence, then please share that with the investigating authorities. Until then, we must let them do their jobs. You have said media has sold out. They are doing their job. Millions are watching their programs. Are they stupid?
Perhaps you are confusing a strong leadership with dictatorship. Our Beloved Leader is a Strong Leader. He is thoughtful and decisive – example Demonetization, Lockdown, banning China apps. He is agile – example Manipur conflict. He is disciplined – example various internet shutdowns, action against urban naxals. He is generous too – example steep reduction in corporate taxes, feeding 81 crore poor Indians with free grains. With time, he will become even more decisive, agile, disciplined and compassionate than Xi and Putin. He will do our nation proud.
In another message, you have covered what you think are the good points of the Congress manifesto, namely, filling up 30 lakh government job vacancies, MSP guarantee and full debt relief for farmers, apprenticeship guarantee for jobless youth with pay, one woman of each poor family to get a guaranteed Rs one lakh annually as recognition of their free labor at home. In the spirit of democracy, I did send my 20 critical observations on this manifesto to Rahul Gandhi. Have you read them? As an example, I have expressed my utter dismay at his graceless abandonment of fast-track Bulldozer justice, the strict “no bail” criminal laws, demolition of mosques & churches, CAA laws and the Agniveer scheme. I have expressed disappointment at the gross neglect of Big Business, the backbone of our country. Read them with an open mind and convey them to Bro Rahul.
In the same message, you have been rather contemptuous of the ruling party and that they have nothing to offer. So, you are showing contempt for the Beloved Leader? This is not done. Only the other day, the residents of The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society Blocks A and B had a Special General Body Meeting. After careful thought and much debate, we decided to endorse the Beloved Leader’s Vision for Viksit Bharat 2047. Doesn’t this fill you with joy? Bullet trains, dazzling airports, sparkling malls and a maze of multi-lane highways! All run hopefully by efficient and patriotic people like Adani, Ambani, etc. The Society further endorsed the promise of the Uniform Civil Code and that in line with its principles, the Society will adopt a Uniform Society Code, where all members will agree to a homogenous set of rules on all areas of life – food, clothing, language, intimacy, relationships, etc. This is a fine example of Unity in Homogeneity. Our Society will be the first in the country to adopt and practice UCC at the micro level. This is called Walking the Talk.
Do we sound like a set of brainwashed people?
Finally, I hope you have understood the concerns on redistribution of wealth as expressed by the Beloved Leader. As aptly conveyed by tycoon Ronnie Malhotra, redistribution and sharing is best done only for “feel good substances” at student hostel parties.
I trust you have got enough food for thought. A letter of apology to the Beloved leader would be in order.
Cordially
Citizen Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala
I looked thoughtfully at Samir. “This is frankly way beyond me. What do you think, Samir?”
“Sir, I think you were correct – Dhruv Rathee may have found his match!”
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What are you doing Bro? Cyrus writes a 20 Point, Open Letter to Rahul Gandhi