Does God exist or am I screaming into an empty sky?
I don’t see a way God can exist and yet be good.
Does God exist and watch his children slaughter each other?
Does he stand beside them and watch as they fall into despair so deep that they take their own life?
Does he watch the infinite pain they feel and the infinite violence they inflict and have inflicted on them and does he stand idly by and do nothing?
Does he watch a little baby, with the widest eyes and the smallest hands die at the hands of disease or worse, another human its cries echoing till heaven?
Does He watch his parents bury him in the tiniest coffin and give away all the clothes they bought him and the dreams they saw for him miserable until the day they die?
Does God stand by when I writhe in pain and do nothing to alleviate my suffering?
Did God see me pray and hear me beg in the hospital that morning and refuse to save her?
Does God, who is omniscient and omnipotent create His children and then leave them on God’s green earth to break and suffer?
Does he see us as children, note the dreams and wishes in our eyes, the lightness of our heart and then watch the world he created rob us of it?
If I go to heaven, how will He look me in the eye and tell me He is the one true all-powerful all-knowing god whose will we are all following?
If this is His will isn’t He worse than any other human being we may know?
Does he slaughter children, watch us lose faith in him and then pull a rabbit out of a hat, a cheap trick to restore faith in “miracles”?
Do one in a million get miracles and the rest of us must bear the brunt of what reality is?
Or is God powerless, watching as his children maim and kill each other?
Does He sob when a wide eyed baby dies after being shot in its head?
Does He scream and try to stop them when He watches His children lose the light behind their eyes and take their own life?
Did He pray with me that day, and did it break his heart as much as mine to see his prayers turned down?
Does the One I pray to also beg someone else for mercy? For His world, His children and their rotten fate?
Does he sit by the child’s tiny grave or sort through his never-before used clothes and break down into them?
Does he welcome into heaven those with these fates with tearful eyes and a broken smile, offering them solace from pain?
Because if there is a God, I would rather he be weak and loving than be cruel and loveless.
(The author is a student of law in Mumbai and can be contacted at parulekarpriyanka02@gmail.com)
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