As SC reads down Sec 377, a law student remembers her gay brother, her misconceptions and what pride means for her.
Being the only child, and a son of a Marwari family, he was a pampered child and had a carefree childhood until he started his schooling at the age of 6. That’s when he realised he was different and that he was sexually attracted to the boys in his class. Not knowing how to explain this feeling or this unusual situation, he decided to not pay heed to this feeling and concentrate on his education. He was so brilliant and extraordinary, that he became a national level UCMAS Champion. He could calculate at the tip of his fingers and within seconds, that too any given calculation. He could speak for hours on any given topic. He always had updates on current events, when people of his age couldn’t even name the president of the country. He was smarter than most children his age. And he still is.
Everything was fine until he stopped socialising and stayed aloof from the society. He then started to skip the lectures in the school. Naturally, questions like “Is he being bullied? Has he lost interest in studies? What is wrong with him?” crossed everybody’s mind in the family. We then came to know he was writing a book. He was just 17 when he started to write this book. And I secretly read a few pages of this book out of curiosity when he was not around. It talked about human hypocrisy and human helplessness. It talked about how life is an infinite loop of being, about how we think we are playing but we are not the players but the ones who are being played. I knew there was more depth to this. Everything was a puzzle to me until I got an opportunity to spend time with him when he visited Mumbai for an interview.
On the very first day, I realised that there was something different. The way he would blush, the way he fancied my pink wallet, the way he would sing songs of Katy Perry and Taylor Swift with that peculiar accent and the way he walked. I knew immediately what the reality was and how what was once a puzzle, now made complete sense. I asked him upfront whether he was straight to which he remained mum. Scared, I asked him again. “Are you gay by any chance?” To which he responded, “Please don’t tell my mom.”
I rolled my eyes, panicked and started with my set of uninformed questions in a hurry. I yelled and asked him, “Where do you think we live, America? It was Adam and Eve, and not Adam and Steve. Can we get this fixed?” To which he replied in a sarcastic tone, “Yes I’ve heard Baba Ramdev can cure homosexuality through yoga.” We were chatting about the Met Gala and the few fashion disasters which followed and as soon as he dropped the gay bomb, I was like, “Oh! So do you guys feel like wearing pink all the time?” Everything about him, his existence, his choices and his lifestyle changed everything for me. And I couldn’t believe he was not straight. I was very inquisitive and started with my stupid questions which he answered calmly. De-bunking my pre-conceived, even prejudiced thoughts.
1. My Claim – Oh you are gay! You are going to hell. The Bible says that’s a sin.
His Argument- Oh, so you might be a regular visitor of Hell and Heaven. What does it look like? Do they have Netflix in hell? You know what is sin sister? War, rape, murder and pineapples on pizza. And when talking about the contentions in the Bible, Bible says wearing two fabrics mixed together is a sin, drinking alcohol is a sin, extramarital affairs are a sin. So why do you get so butt-hurt about only this? Believe me, all these religious books were written by humans (of course men) probably high on some form of marijuana.
2. My Claim- Oh you are gay! It is against Indian culture! It is a western influence.
His Argument- Oh! You are so spiritually awake. You know, what is also not part of our so-called Indian culture? Your sequinned slit cut gown, your glittering tuxedo suits or your brand new watch that you imported from New York. And you know what has been a part of Indian culture? Dowry, Sati, ghunghat pratha, wearing suti clothes and draping yourself modestly in sarees. When am I seeing you in dhotis or sarees?
3. My Claim- Can you become straight, change yourself? Can we fix it? Is it some genetic problem?
His Argument- Oh honey! How does that work? Can I convert you into a lesbian the way you claim to convert me into a straight man? Or there is some secret switch or some secret potion to do the same? You cannot fix it, because neither is it a problem nor is there anything broken. What needs to be mended is your narrow mind. Being gay is not genetic. It is not an individual choice. You are a female not by choice. You are who you are, right? Did you have any choice? Similarly, why question my existence? You say it is a disease, but have you ever put the question the other way round, asking if being straight was a disease?
4. My Claim- Family comprises of a mom and a dad. What about your marriage? How are you going to have kids, honey?
His Argument- Oh! How successful are your “normal” marriages? I just read that divorce rates are skyrocketing, gone through the clouds. And how ‘well’ are your bandwagons of moms and dads who have parented their kids? I hear about kids running away, domestic violence, fights, suicides every other day. No, I am not lamenting, I am just stating some facts. If a single mom or a single dad can raise their children, then I am quite sure two moms and two dads can do that as well. Marriage is the connection between two souls and as far as I remember the soul has no gender.
5. My Claim- It’s not normal. That’s not love. There is no acceptance for this in the society.
His Argument- Love is a beautiful thing, a feeling between two souls. Don’t divide it on grounds of gender, religion or any other filthy sets of discrimination that you could come up with.
Don’t you think it is highly unacceptable and cruel to discriminate someone on the grounds of their sexuality? We were all in primary classes and we all might have written those bland essays on ‘Myself.’ Show me one person who might have written, ‘My name is X. My father is Y. My mother is Z. I am straight.’ How does my sexuality define myself? It is my work, my personality and my compassion which define me. How does Shakespeare being a bisexual make any difference to his legendary works? Or how does Lady Gaga being a bisexual make any difference to her music?
It is unfortunate that how because of orthodox people like you and others, and because of the denial we face from the society, the suicide rates among the LGBTQIA people have risen alarmingly. The eve teasing, social alienation, bullying and the sense of inferiority, have all led them to depression and never-ending sadness.
But I am strong, I will fight and I know there are many like me. I will be the change. I will spread love and you can continue spreading hate.
These conversations, my questions, his answers were an eye-opener for me. From that second, I felt so proud of him, his existence, his choices and his lifestyle. I realised it is the discrimination on the basis of sexuality or gender which is against the law of nature and it is love which is the law of nature.
(The author is a fifth-year student of Government Law College, Mumbai.)