Dear Mr. Ramachandra Guha,
Please allow me to introduce myself. I run a boutique vintage woodcraft gig in Colaba. While I live alone, these days, three brats have been camping at my place. Two of them, my nephews Percy and Hormuz, both self-proclaimed tech geniuses, had to scramble back from the US as a result of the H1B crisis. A niece, Dilshan, has just received the shock of her NEET results being cancelled due to a paper leak! My business has slowed a bit, though there are enough moneyed SoBo folks who love their colonial era teak and rosewood antiques. My nephews have already joined the Cockroach Janata Party on the strength of their credentials of being unemployed, chronically online and constantly complaining. The niece is threatening to do the same.
In this fraught atmosphere, I was mighty pleased to see your article in Scroll.in taking Rahul Gandhi to the cleaners. It filled me with unbridled joy and pride to see that I share sentiments with a great public intellectual like you.
You started in your article, by holding Priyanka Gandhi accountable for the Emergency that was executed by her grandmother in the 70s. My father, the late Behramji Puranafurniturewala would be celebrating in his grave now. He would say frequently that the defeat of Mrs. Gandhi post Emergency was insufficient penance for the havoc it caused. I thank you on his behalf.
You have with great insight and evidence pointed out that Rahul Gandhi is surrounded by sycophants. You will no doubt reveal their names soon. I personally prefer the approach of our Beloved Supreme (BS) Leader. He surrounds himself by folks who remain invisible and inaccessible and that ensures that all the halo remains on the BS Leader. In fact, most of the time, one even struggles to recall their names and their job descriptions. Of course, now, thanks to my niece whose NEET exam had paper leaks, and her friends whose CBSE results came out crooked, I now know of one Dharmendra Pradhan. A fine bloke. Super cool in this extraordinary situation. I simply love how he ignores all the naysayers and marches on to his own beat. If only Rahul Gandhi had such Pradhans by his side!
Or that other chap, Gyanendra Kumar. I simply adore him. He executed the electoral roll exercise with the artistic precision of a Leonardo da Vinci, enrolling who he liked and dismissing the others. I tell my nephews, who are IIT alumni themselves, to regard him as their role model. Being independent minded cockroaches, they have treated this advice with contempt.
You have pointed out the organisational weakness of the Congress Party under Rahul Gandhi and its rapid decline. No doubt, in your next article, you will provide a role model that he should emulate. Here are my suggestions. Most importantly, he needs a taskmaster at his side. One who can ensure that all institutions such as Media and the various custodians of democracy work in tandem to support the leader – a Conductor of an Orchestra as it were. Then of course, one needs Big Capital. One or two oligarchs who will bankroll the Dance of Democracy while taking good care of our infrastructure – the ports, the mines, the oil, the airports et al.
You have acknowledged that Rahul Gandhi is a decent bloke. Why should I care? Am I looking for a groom for my niece, Dilshan? Leaders must be ruthless, crafty, parochial and greedy for power. Willing to ring in a demonetisation or call a lockdown at whim. A full 56 inches, in our local parlance.
You have further claimed that many are looking at him as a principal source of hope to push back against the regime and that they should stop doing so. Not so, not so, not so. I can assure you that in my circle of friends and clients in SoBo, there is nobody who fits that description. All of them including me are quite happy with the way things are. Our kids (except my burdensome nephews) are abroad living a good life. We live in our well-guarded gated communities where there is no stench of poverty or disillusionment. Our kitty parties, musical soirees, champagne challenges, keep us busy. Even the dug up roads, the pot holes, the fallen trees and the encroached mangroves don’t bother us anymore. Our quarrels, if any, are often about parking spaces and gymkhana privileges. Never about the Opposition. While it may be a necessary evil of Democracy, it’s not on our radar!
You have spoken of a hate filled environment. Most of us enjoy our Biryanis and Kebabs. Even the veggie folks enjoy it on the sly. So what’s the problem?
Now this Rahul Gandhi, you say, goes abroad frequently. Is he trying to emulate the BS Leader? He would have to work hard at perfecting the beaming smile, the raucous laugh and the bear hugs. Some experience with gifting confectionary will also be useful.
You say he lacks gravitas and job experience. That hits the nail on its head. I could never dig his frequent mingling with the hoi polloi – the rickshaw drivers, the cobblers, the farmers, the cooks and the fisher folk – what kind of politics is this? Nature ordered that there be two people. The Ruler and the Ruled. This fellow wants to blur these sacred lines. Blasphemy! In sharp contrast, one can see the unadulterated joy on the face of the BS Leader when he consorts with the global elite.
Rahul Gandhi, to my utter surprise, does not have a well-chronicled curriculum vitae. He has never sold tea, not begged for alms, not gone on self-discovery yatras to the mountains, never discovered technologies to extract energy from a nalla, never discovered the hidden potential of clouds in escaping radar detection during war, and never issued a decree for demonetarization or a lockdown. He does not even have a unique degree. Could he have found us a new friend like Israel? And strategically ignored old ones like Iran, Russia and Palestine? Could he have nurtured the bonhomie we now enjoy with US? Makes one ponder.
I have also wondered why he personally attacks the BS Leader. The government is run by many people, not one individual. There must be well laid out processes and thoroughly discussed plans in the cabinet and in the Parliament before they are rolled out. To single out one person in a democracy is undermining its very roots. Tut, tut!
You remain hopeful of some phoenix rising from the ruins. My nephews, Percy and Hormuz, newly established cockroaches are firing meme after meme on social media on L’affaires NEET and CBSE. My daily diet has changed from Dhansak and Patra Ni Machi to Pasta and Pizza to accommodate these creepy crawlies. I have even had to surrender my master bedroom to them. Dilshan, my niece, is planning to take the NEETwallahs to court. Are you pinning your hopes on such people?
With affection,
Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala
Model Citizen
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